Smart Car
by Doug Hawley
24: Saint Patrick's Day
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Duke wandered out into the
yard and asked, “Hey cars, do you know what
day it is?”
The cars chorused “St. Patrick’s Day,
the day that celebrates the patron saint of
Ireland.”
Duke told the cars “It is a special day for
me because I’m 8% Irish or something like
that. About the same percentage
indigenous American, but I don’t know the
rest. I’m something of a mutt. More
to the point, I love corned beef and cabbage,
hold the cabbage. What do you guys
know about Ireland?”
Josie the car said “I love Oscar Wilde. ‘I
can resist anything but temptation’. He
really was wild. He suffered greatly
from the prejudices of his place and time, not
that people are perfect now.”
Deuce the car chimed in with “The Irish are
known for their artists, actors, writers and
poets - James Joyce, George Bernard Shaw, and
William Butler Yeats in the past and now they
dominate European cinema with the Dublin studios. The
biggest movie this year was the Collin Studios
production of “Mindphone Romance”.
Sheila walked out into the yard with a cup of
Irish coffee in hand and contributed “Some
of those Irish actors earlier in the century were
really yummy – Pierce Brosnan, Liam Neeson.”
Duke added “Even earlier, one more to my
liking – Maureen O’Hara”.
Carl the car said “Let me tell you what I
know about Irish-English history. Ed.
Note. The two-hour speech was deleted
because we hope to get this published in a UK
journal.
Sheila said “Back on topic. Saint
Patrick is the patron saint of Ireland. He
is known for driving the snakes out of Ireland.”
Around that time, the gang looked at Josie and
noticed that she had been performing her favorite
Van Morrison songs – Gloria, Moondance,
Domino and others at increasing volume. Like
a few virtuoso cars, she could sing, make the
orchestration all while talking.
Deuce said, “I drove the hyenas out of
Oregon.”
Sheila told him “But there never were hyenas
in Oregon”
“There weren’t any snakes in Ireland
either.”
Duke returned from the house with a bottle and
three glasses and told the cars
“You can do what you like to celebrate
Saint Patrick’s Day – the humans are
having some good Irish whiskey.”
Josie said, “I’m turning green for
Saint Patrick’s Day.”
Duke asked, “Aren’t you good
environmentally now?”
“No, what I meant is that I’m literally
green. I can switch colors. See
– I’m green now.”
Deuce said “Based on what I know of Irish
history, I’m going to mess with people. I’m
going with orange and green stripes.”
Josie added “I’ve never been told and I
haven’t looked in a mirror. What
color am I?”
Carl told her “Deep Purple, my favorite
color.”
Josie took a break from Van Morrison and sang the
American standard “Deep Purple” as a
duet with male and female voices, followed by
Deep Purple’s oldie “Smoke On The Water”. The
odd coupling didn’t have any known Irish
connection, but everyone loved her performance. Duke
and Sheila clapped and Carl and Deuce honked.
Despite some foolish and even dangerous behavior,
the humans and cars all survived Saint Patrick’s
Day safely.
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