B.A.B.Y
part 2
by Will Nuessle
return to part 1
return to start of story
Welcome back,
soldier. You’ve successfully completed your
first five missions, but don’t get cocky! It
gets worse from here…
Mission
Six: Field-stripping
Having slept
through the night, Charlie will awaken at 0500.
Either Alpha or Bravo[1] will rise with Charlie
and change him on a picnic table. This mission is
considered a fail if any fellow campers are
awakened, if Charlie acquires a splinter, or if
Charlie’s niece/nephews (who have been up
since 0430) hear any swear words they did not
previously know. There will be no diaper wipes in
the diaper bag; a substitute must be found. Not
wiping Charlie will be considered a mission fail.[2]
Mission
Seven: Replenishment Hell
Having
discovered that Charlie has stayed on the bottle
well over its scheduled departure time, Team BABY
will now feed the youngest member without giving
him a bottle of any kind. Taking nourishment from
a sippy cup is not repeat NOT necessary for
mission success. There is no time-limit for this
mission. Mission will be considered a fail if
either Alpha or Bravo give in and hand the child
a bottle, if the screaming causes Team BABY to be
thrown out of camp, or if either Alpha or Bravo
lose their God-fearing minds.
Mission
Eight: All-terrain Excursion
Team BABY must
row out onto the lake as a unit for at least
fifteen minutes. All members must wear proper
safety attire. Mission will be considered a fail
if any member falls into the lake. Mission will
be considered a fail if any member is thrown into
the lake. Mission will not be considered a fail
if none of the members speak to each other for
the duration.
At this time,
Grandparents and/or extended family members of
Team BABY may be called upon for assistance in
watching/playing with Charlie. Alpha and Bravo
are allowed to sleep. Team BABY will reconvene at
Mess Hall by 0630 for Replenishment. SEE Mission
Seven
[1] Trust
me, it was Alpha
[2] I used the previous diaper. MacGyver
would be proud
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