Weigh In Day
by Charlie Ross
Well here we are
again it’s my weekly weigh in day. I’ve
been dieting now for about 45 years on and off.
You’d think I’d have wasted away by now,
obviously it’s been more off than on. I
don’t know how it works but in that time I
must have lost at least 500lb yet I’m bigger
now than I’ve ever been. Today I have to
starve until 6 o’clock tonight, that’s
when I go to my weight watchers meeting. £5.50 a
week I pay the woman to tell me I ate too much.
I shouldn’t
complain about this leader she’s pretty good
really. I’ve had some right ones in the past.
Take my last weight watchers leader, she was
dreadful. It wasn’t what she said to you if
you gained one week it was the glare she gave you
and she wouldn’t accept any of the usual
excuses like “I’m wearing heavy
clothes” or “It’s that time of the
month” ok so it had been that time of the
month for the last 3 weeks but come on I am
paying the woman it wouldn’t hurt her to
just nod and agree. If she’d had a large
cupboard I think she would have locked me in it.
I’m sure she hadn’t been overweight she
was about 5ft 10” and 120 lb where as
I’m 5ft 2” in shoes and you can almost
double that weight so I suppose I didn’t
really feel we were much alike. It wasn’t
just me you would see all these large ladies
outside the meeting hall every Thursday night
shaking with fear as they waited for her to weigh
them. Last I heard she became a prison officer I
bet she’s great at that, there won’t be
any escapes from that prison.
Trouble is I
don’t get weighed until 6pm so after that I
can eat anything I like but tomorrow I have to
get back on the diet. It doesn’t really give
me enough time I go to bed at about 11 pm 5 hours
just isn’t enough I’m going to look for
a morning class. I’ve bought 3 bars of
chocolate, some real butter, crusty bread and a
pizza with some garlic bread for tonight. I hope
that’s enough. I go to weight watchers with
a friend of mine and last week we went back to
her house after for dinner. She’d made a
lasagne with creamy cheese sauce and garlic bread
washed down with red wine and followed by
chocolate cake with baileys and fresh cream and
of course some chocolate mints.. Her husband
asked if he could have some we nearly lynched him.
We don’t share on a Thursday night.
I often wonder
just how much weight we gain on that Thursday
night between being weighed and going to bed. I
wonder how much we would have lost without our
binge nights? But would life really be worth
living without them.
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