Toe Good to be
True
by Mahesh
Shantaram
Wondering what
this is all about? You will be fed up soon (with
food for thought, that is). Perhaps you'll be
stuffed from head to toe. Although I'll be
talking about digits, I assure you that there's
hardly any math here. Science? Not likely but for
traces of anatomical terms. Voyuerism? No, that's
not what you call an innocent seventeen year
old's fantasies.
A tragedy
happened during the chemistry exam the other day.
Pallavi took off her shoes. (Yeah, yeah. Name
changed to protect identity of her toes.) There,
one could behold ten of the world's most
beautiful toes, one beside the other, wriggling
like sweet little jellybeans atop a custard cake.
After that, I cared little about how Newton's
laws connived with nature. I was making my own
calculations about her digits and it seemed to
add up quite well, I must say, to give a handsome
figure. Truly, my love for Pallavi begin at the
toes and works it's way up to warmer heights.
This
observation change the way I look at people for
ever. Actually, I hardly look at people now-a-days.
I observe at their toes instead. This is because
I have recently discovered that the beauty of
one's toes perfectly correlates with that of any
other part of the body in question. The face is a
special case in point. I am currently doing
research on the nexus between toe movements and
facial expressions.
On the day of
the math exam (have you begun doubting my
academic credentials already?), another incident
worthy of mention took place. I spotted a set of
toes that were attached to a body distributing
question papers. They glistened in the dim light,
were unobtrusive to the onlooker, subtle in
approach, and looked royal when draped in sandals.
I looked up. Notsurprisingly, I found a
countenance to match the description.
I remember
this beautiful Spanish girl in school, Beatrice
de Benito ... I remember her toes even better.
They speak volumes of the young woman; so fair
that one may think they've been nibbled to the
quick. It is a typical Spanish trait. Spanish
Senoritas are known for their toes like boiled
macaroni or freshly picked strawberries. The
older ones are only dried grapes, though. de
Benito's well manicured toes pose no contrast to
her rose-coloured nose, I suppose.
To further put
my findings to test, I stepped on Anjali's toes.
She winced. I crushed them and she squealed. It's
a breakthrough! You simply can't refute it. It's
easy to see by now that the toe and the mind are
directly related?
This finding
could have a ground-breaking impact on our lives.
Matrimonial columns can do away with immodest
'requirements' like caste, creed, complexion and
cup-size (Oh, bear with me, matrimonials are the
most profitable supplements in Indian newspapers).
Just toe specifications would be enough
information about the bride and would help eschew
the usual marital jargon.
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