The Three
Friends
by Amit
Parmessur
Lots of comic tragedy can
be written using the technique below. But you
see, when it comes to make others laugh, I start
laughing myself. I can't think. I can’t
write. That's why I’ll relate a little
Mauritian piece I've been hearing for centuries.
Just listen.
Once upon a time there were
three friends. Let us call ’em Twofight,
Savage and Shutyormouth, because these were their
names. One night, they decided to pluck some man...goes
by the side of a riverside. Savage's name was
such that he ate and plucked like a savage.
Twofight had to fight wasps. I won’t say
Shutyormouth could hardly shut your -- sorry his
-- mouth when it came to mangoes.
They plucked, ate, fought.
Then, Twofight got lost.. Don't know where he
went. Stuck at the top of a tree, eaten by
mangoes or vanquished by wasps. And carried away.
Hours collapsed; darkness
grew.
Savage: [Still eating.] Any
idea? Where that Twofight could be?
Shutyormouth: Let me think.
[He hardly thinks.] No.
Savage: Let’s to the
police!
Shutyormouth: [Gloomily.]
I think good idea!
Savage: [Suddenly eager
to tease Shutyormouth.] Oh Mister thinks too.
Shutyormouth: Yessss!
Savage: I always thought
you thought I know you can't ever think of
thinking.
Shutyormouth: Yes?
Savage: Let’s to the
police.
[Soon, they were at the police station.]
Savage: Stay at the door. [Pause.]
Shut your mouth, and don't offend the fifth
word after :, OK.
Shutyormouth: OK, savage. I
mean Savage.
[Savage entered and saw a policeman.]
Savage: [Erratically.]
Sir, I want you to fin’ my friend.
Policeman: What's his
offence?
Savage: He’s lost.
[The policeman thought the man must be
mad.]
Policeman: What's your
name?
Savage: Savage.
[The policeman’s thought was
confirmed. He was on the verge of madness himself.]
WHAT'S YOUR name?: Policeman
Savage: [Smouldering.] Can’t
you hear? Savage. Savage, man! Aren't you here!
Policeman: How dare... SHUT
your mouth!
Savage: [Calmly.] Oh.
You know him. You want him? He is at the door.
Policeman: [Scratches
his head. Two lice die -- husband and wife.] Shuuut
up!
Savage: [Cries.] I
want to fight.
Policeman: [Rubbing his
hands together..] You want Twofight.
Savage: I want Twofight.
Really.
Policeman: Don’t cry!
Don’t cry. Constable, behind bars. I’ll
tame him, shut his mouth forever and satisfy his
desire to -- Quick!!
[Minutes later, inside the cell, the
smallest unit of death: herculean kicks with
hands echoed. Embracing, thrashing, hiccupping.]
Policeman: You wanted to fight.
Savage: [Proudly.] I
still want to fight.
Policeman: [Kicking hard.]
Yaaah!
Savage: Aaaah.
Policeman: Yaaah! Yahoo!
Yaaah! Yahoo! .com!
[Little by little, Savage’s plight
became exceedingly excessive.]
Savage: [Suddenly and
loudly.] I know the PC!
[Silence.]
Policeman: [Stops. To
himself.] This madman even knows the Police
Commissioner. Trouble! [He thinks.] But
you will report only if your candle is still
burning... Heeha!
Savage: But. He doesn't
know me.
Policeman: [Doubly
excited.] Then take this, and this and
this and this... end.
The following day
Shutyormouth, behind bars, was orphaned.
|
