Table Dancers
by Michael A.
Kechula
“Sister
Mary Ellen, how many angels can dance on a table,
all at the same time?”
“Such a
question, Tommy! Why do you ask?”
“I heard
two drunks arguing about the number of angels
that could dance on a table that could hold ten
pitchers of beer.”
“Drunks?
Beer? How shameful! What did they say?”
“One said,
‘Does it matter? I think the question really
should be what kind of dance they are doing.’
They got into a fistfight when one said
they’d do a ballet. And the other said it
would be something lively, like a polka, because
angels are always happy.”
“They
fought over what kind of dance angels would do on
a table?”
“No, it
was about whether angels are happy all the time
or not.”
“Mercy!
Let that be a lesson. Never get drunk. See how it
leads to more sin? Fighting and hurting each
other like that. Shameful. Their Guardian Angels
must be weeping for their souls. They’re
obviously not devout believers.”
“They
ain’t. My mom said they’re devout
alcoholics.”
“Well, to
answer your question. I suspect that several
million can dance on a table all at the same time.
Of course they wouldn't dance on any table
holding beer. Heavens! Now, given that at least
one angel -- let’s settle on one for the
moment -- can dance on the head of a pin, all we
have to do is figure how many pin heads can fit
within the area of a table.”
“Which
table?”
“Any
table. Do you remember the formula for
calculating the area of a square or rectangle?”
“L times
W equals A. But what if it’s a round table?”
"Use the
formula for calculating the area of a circle. We'll
be discussing that in class, next week. Now, once
we have the area of the table, and figure how
many pinheads would fit in that area, we must
take into account that pinheads are round. So,
there may be some space between angels when
they’re standing elbow to elbow. I don't
recall seeing any formula for that. Hmmm. Might
have something to do with Celestial Mechanics.
Well, that's a good homework project for you for
tonight. Now run along. Recess is almost over."
“Yes,
Sister Mary Ellen. Oh, what kind of dance do you
think they’d do on top of a table?”
“Whatever
works best with Gregorian Chant.”
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