Let's Trade
by Michael A. Kechula
“Can
anybody hear me?”
“Yes!”
exclaimed the radio operator for SETI (Search For
Extraterrestrial Intelligence). “Who are you?”
“I’m
the Emperor of Mars. I need your help. We have
more dinosaurs than our planet’s ecosystem
can support. Do you need any on your planet?
We’d be happy to send you some.”
“Dinosaurs?
I don’t think so.”
“Do you
have any on your planet now?” asked the
Emperor.
“No, they
all died out long ago.”
“Then you
don’t know what you’re missing. I’d
be eternally grateful, if you’d take some
off my hands. In fact, I’d be pleased to
offer you an all expense paid, wonderful vacation
on our planet if you accepted a few. This
includes lodging at a suite in our best hotel,
which is staffed by our most gorgeous and very
friendly females.”
“Hmm. A
vacation on Mars sounds fantastic,” SETI
said. “What if we make a trade?”
“What do
you have to offer?” asked the Emperor.
“Gorgeous
rats.”
“What are
they?”
“The most
delightful creatures on Earth. You’ll love
them. They’re quite delicious.”
“Sounds
great! We’ll ship our dinosaurs tomorrow.”
The next day,
six-billion dinosaurs arrived on Earth in flying
saucers. The same day, Earth dispatched six
billion rats to Mars via UPS.
Earthlings
were thrilled with their new, imported
dinosaurs—until they discovered Martian
dinosaurs had insatiable, gargantuan appetites.
The dinos ate cars, airplanes, people, London,
Australia, and everything else in sight. Then
they ate each other. In six months, everything on
Earth was gone, except for mountains of dinosaur
dung.
The Emperor of
Mars was ecstatic. He’d conquered Earth
without firing a shot. And he’d received
enough rats to feed his all his subjects for an
entire year.
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