Hit And Run
by Michael A. Kechula
A van skidded
off the mountain road and crashed into a tree. A
passenger got out and staggered toward the road.
“Martha,
look at that thing coming out of the van,”
exclaimed an old timer, as their recreation
vehicle approached the crash site. “What the
hell is it?”
“Don’t
know. Maybe it’s one of them aliens from
outer space. Oh dear! A car’s coming. Oh no!
The driver squashed it and didn’t stop.”
“Watch
for more cars,” Frank said, as he raced
toward the victim. “Try to stop them.
I’m gonna check to see if it’s still
alive.”
Frank
approached the mess. “Hey, it looks like a
giant, powdered, jelly donut. Look at all the
purple goo that came out of it.”
Running a finger
through the goo, he sniffed it. “This
stuff smells like grape jelly. Yum. It IS
grape jelly. Best I ever tasted. Try some.”
“You know
I only like blueberry,” she said.
“Maybe you should check the van to see if
more jelly donuts are inside. One of them might
be filled with blueberry. “
Peering inside
the van, Frank said, “There’s three
more. One’s powdered. The others are glazed.
I’m gonna cut them open to see if any are
filled with blueberry jam.”
“You
better check to see if they’re still alive
before you start slicing and dicing.”
Frank pinched
the things. None responded. Pressing his ear
against each, he didn’t hear heartbeats.
“They’re all dead. Damn! These critters
are so tough I can’t cut them. Come here and
help me get them out of the van.”
When they
removed all the passengers, Frank sniffed the
glazed one. “This smells like it’s
loaded with blueberry jelly. But if I can’t
cut it open, how am I gonna get the jelly out so
you can have some?”
“Let’s
just put it on the road and wait for the next car
to squish it,” Martha said.
They hid in
the bushes and waited. Within minutes, an 18-wheeler
loaded with logs came roaring down the road. It
squashed the glazed thing so hard, blueberry
jelly flew everywhere. Some splattered
Martha’s head.
“Wow,”
she said. “This is absolutely delicious.”
They did the
same with the remaining two passengers. Soon, the
road was covered with grape, blueberry, cherry,
and strawberry jelly.
“We
shouldn’t let all this good stuff go to
waste,” Harry said.
Martha helped
him shovel all the tasty goo into their RV.
When they
arrived at the next town, they found a bakery.
The owner tasted a sample of the jelly and
found it so delightful, he bought it all for his
pastries.
Realizing
they’d discovered a potentially lucrative
source of income, Harry and Martha decided to
cause more accidents along mountain roads
and to check each of their victims for jelly
content.
Today, these
two entrepreneurs have several patents for rapid
jelly removal, and highly profitable franchise
operations in 150 countries.
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