Running, As A
Spectator Sport, Is Boring, Concedes Seb Coe
Lord Sebastian Coe, Chair
of the British Olympic Association, today
conceded that running, as a spectator sport, is
boring.
‘The Sochi Winter
Olympics has once again shown us all,’ Lord
Coe told the BBC, ‘that any number of
visually interesting competitions can be devised
from the simple process of sliding about on snow
and ice.
‘Fifty years ago, it
was only possible to buy plain crisps, and, in
those days, it was even necessary to add your own
salt. Similarly, fifty years ago, winter sports
mostly consisted of slipping downhill on
smoothish slopes, aided by two skis. Today,
however, there are ubiquitous crisp flavours, and
skiing has followed suit with brilliant displays
in numerous new and innovative competitive
disciplines such as: moguls; luge; skeleton;
slalom skiing; slopestyle; aerials; ski jumping;
ski cross; snowboard cross; halfpipe; bobsled and
many more.’
‘It is indisputable,’
concurred Thomas Bach, President of the
International Olympic Committee, ‘that
running, as a spectator sport, has failed to keep
up with skiing in these changing times. There
have been some limited attempts to liven it up a
bit with events such as hurdling and the
steeplechase, but the vast majority of track,
road and cross-country is still devoted to the
same old locomotion.
‘To extend Lord
Coe’s enlightening crisp analogy,’ Mr
Bach continued, ‘winter sports have reached
the refinement of lobster, chilli and lemon
crisps (with a hint of tarragon and black pepper),
whereas running events still compel spectators to
add salt to plain, fried potatoes that have gone
a bit soggy in the bag.’
‘We now understand
that our approach to the development of running,
as a spectator sport, has been fundamentally
flawed,’ conceded one senior coach, who did
not wish to be named. ‘We have consistently
convinced ourselves that the 100m, 200m, 400m,
800m, 1500m, 5000m, 10000m, and longer, off-track,
competitions, are different events. In
reality, they’re the same event
undertaken at different speeds over varying
distances. Frankly, once you’ve seen a few
people running about, you’ve seen them all,’
he concluded. ‘Some athletes are in denial
about this and have progressed to multiple
marathons or even extreme running –
sometimes over hundreds of miles. On closer
examination, however, all such events utilise the
same basic principle of repeatedly putting one
foot in front of another – very much like
walking, but a bit quicker.’
‘Many people who have
previously enjoyed spectating at running events,’
Lord Coe revealed in the above BBC interview,
‘have taken selfie videos of themselves on
their mobile phones while hurrying for buses or
trains. Often they have been amazed to find that
viewing such footage is an experience little
different from watching international track
athletics, road racing or cross-country.
‘For the 21st Century,’
concluded Lord Coe, ‘running requires
modernisation. We need the sort of innovation
that we now see on snow and ice – perhaps a
few more obstacles could be added, or a bit of
gymnastics. Even a couple of hops in the middle
of the Olympic 100m would be better than nothing
– anything but that repetitive, tedious
progression to a finishing line.’
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