Customers
Unsettled By Bank PR Campaigns
Customers of UK High Street
Banks are increasingly reporting their unease
about the recent trend for banks to demonstrate
excessive goodwill and courtesy towards customers.
‘I only dropped into
Nat West to use the cashpoint,’ said one
customer. ‘One of the staff opened the door
for me, said a cheery "good morning"
and asked if there was anything he could do to
help me. It was creepy. My husband had the same
unnerving experience in HSBC.’
‘In the past few years,
banks have gained a very poor reputation in the
eyes of the public due to greed and a cavalier
disregard for the interests of customers,’
explained a spokesman for the banking industry.
‘Banks are therefore ordering staff at local
branches to go over the top in feigning courtesy
and pretending that they care about those
mindless cash-cows whose money we want and who we
wish to trap into debt.’
‘I much preferred the
old days,’ reminisced another customer.
‘OK, bank staff were rude and surly and not
in the least bit interested in helping you –
they even shut down my brother's perfectly viable
business just to make more money for themselves.
At least that attitude of selfishness and
indifference was honest, though. I think
it’s disgusting that they are now trying to
give the impression they give a damn.’
One bank, The National
Dodgydeal Bank, has heeded customer concerns and
has not instigated a charm offensive. ‘We
make it quite clear to customers,’ explained
the bank’s CEO, Ava Reece, 'that we offer
poor value in financial products and that our
sole aim is to make money to pay inflated
salaries and bonuses to our executives. Customers
seem to respond positively to this candid, no
frills approach.’
‘At first it was a bit
scary trying to get a loan from the National
Dodgydeal,’ admitted one of its customers.
‘The advisors who discuss loans dress like
bandits or gangsters, and they can be very nasty
during the interrogation. While they were beating
me up, however, I felt that we had a really
honest rapport. There was no attempt of any kind
to use devious psychological strategies to try to
make me forget the realities of banking that we
all learned after the crash in 2008.’
‘We admit to being
disappointed about this sceptical attitude among
bank customers,’ said the spokesman for the
banking industry. ‘The current charm
campaign, in branches and in TV advertisements,
was very carefully thought thorough with the help
and advice of some of the most socially
convincing psychopaths in Broadmoor. It may be,’
he concluded, ‘that the general public are
not as stupid as we have always assumed.’
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