BBC Gardeners'
Question Time
‘BBC Gardeners’
Question Time today comes from the picturesque
English village of Floribunda-by-the-water. This
tranquil hamlet has changed little in the past
one hundred years – except, of course, for
the arrival of modern services such as
electricity and, most recently, fibre-optic
broadband.
‘Our first question
comes from Mrs Iris Rose.’
‘Er … well …
I had intended to ask the panel about managing
aphids on plum trees, but I looked it up on the
Internet and, I’m afraid, I fully understand
the solution now. … Sorry.’
‘Oh! … Thank you
Mrs Rose. Well, let’s move on, then, to Mr
Basil Sage.’
‘Um … it’s a
bit embarrassing really. I was going to ask about
how to avoid multiple roots in carrots and
parsnips but, like Iris, I googled it, and I now
know just what to do.’
‘Oh dear … but,
nevertheless, it’s good to hear that your
problem is solved, Mr Sage. … Perhaps the
panel can therefore consider Miss Holly Cedar’s
problem regarding the poor growth of her onions.’
‘I’m Holly Cedar.
… I feel just awful. … I was
desperately trying to wait until this
show was recorded, but my onions just weren’t
growing. Then I had a bit too much to drink one
night, my resolve weakened, and I discovered
online about the high fertilisation needs of
alliums. I hate myself for doing it as I don’t
have a question for you now.’
‘Don’t blame
yourself, Miss Cedar, it could have happened to
anyone. … Anyway, I’m sure there must
be someone in the audience who has a question for
our panel. … Everyone seems to be shaking
their heads.
‘Are you all on the Internet?
… Everyone is nodding their heads.
‘Well, in that case, this brings us to the
end of this week’s BBC Gardeners’
Question Time. Listeners can now enjoy an
unscheduled twenty-five minutes of light
classical music.
‘Next week’s BBC Gardeners’
Question time comes from the Northern Shetland
Islands where we gather there is not yet a bloody
Internet connection.’
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