Astounding New
Crop Marks At Avebury Must Have Been Made By A
UFO, Say Scientists
Scientists
have confirmed that the astounding crop marks
which appeared last night in England, near the
Wiltshire village of Avebury, must have been made
by a UFO.
Uniquely, the
markings are not geometric patterns, but, instead,
form a poem, written in English.
This historic
poem reads:
WE THOUGHT
WE SHOULD REVEAL OURSELVES, AT LAST
REGRETTING MYSTIC CROP MARKS OF THE PAST
NOW WE THINK ABOUT IT SLIGHTLY MORE
WE SHOULD HAVE WROTE IN ENGLISH LONG BEFORE
FROM FAR AWAY IN DEEPEST SPACE WE HAIL
BUT SOMETIMES EVEN OUR GREAT SPACESHIPS FAIL
AT ROSWELL AND MORE SITES WE MADE SOME HASHES
RESULTING IN SOME UN-FOR-TU-NATE CRASHES
YOU TOOK OUR CRAFT – TECHNOLOGY TO LEARN
ALL THAT WE NOW WANT IS THEIR RETURN
WE HOPE THEY WILL COME BACK TO US FROM YOU
ABDUCTIONS WILL GO ON UNTIL THEY DO!
‘The
marks are quite unlike any previously known crop
circle,’ explained a spokesperson for the
Royal Institution. ‘The corn has not been
flattened, but apparently vapourised - scorching
the earth beneath - but with no damage to the
remaining crop that surrounds the letters.
Also, there
are at least fifty witnesses, including Brian Cox
and Richard Dawkins, who say that they observed
blue, laser-like lights coming from a saucer
shaped object in the night sky. They report
actually seeing the words being burned into the
crops across seven fields, during a five minute
period, at around 2.00 am this morning. Obviously
we don’t know the origin of the craft -
hence we must describe it as an Unidentified
Flying Object.’
A statement
from the British Air Force confirmed that radar
and satellite data indicated that an unknown
craft had hovered above Avebury for approximately
five minutes, beginning at 02.03 am this morning.
It had departed vertically, apparently attaining
an instant velocity of 10,000 mile per hour. It
had then left the Earth’s atmosphere.
Tracking of the vehicle had been lost ten minutes
later, however, as it passed the moon.
‘I reckon
that must have been one of them there extra-terrestrial
spacecraft, all right,’ said Air Chief
Marshal Sir Stephen Hillier, head of the RAF, in
an unusually candid official response.
Traditional
UFO hunters and New Age believers, however, have
turned their backs on the site in disgust,
denouncing it as an obvious hoax.
‘From my
vast experience,’ said Rod Dowsing, a
leading UFO hunter and New Age activist, ‘this
is clearly faked. I think we have to be scientific
about this,’ he told BBC News. ‘Extra-terrestrials
would simply not spell out their intentions in
English, so that anyone could understand. They
always prefer to draw ambiguous, enigmatic
patterns so that only those of us who possess
mystical insight can, by meditation within those
patterns, analyse the subtle, residual forces and
vibrations. Only we can thus interpret
the true intentions of our visitors from the
stars.’
The
controversy continues, while delighted farmers in
Avebury say that income from visitors will now
make hugely more money for them than their crops
ever could have done.
‘Good on
them green men,’ said Giles Tractorson, one
of the farmers whose fields were affected. ‘If
they want to land next time, I’ll
buy ‘em all a pint at the Red Lion.’
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