Points Of View
A phone rings.
‘Hello, is that BBC
Points of View?’
‘No, this is the Samaritans. Can I help you?’
‘I rang BBC Points
of View.’
‘Yes. All calls to BBC
Points of View are redirected to the
Samaritans.’
‘But I wanted to
complain about the quality of acting in last
night’s drama… and there was a
continuity error after thirty-four minutes…
and then there was an historical faux pas in the
forty-eighth minute. ’
‘Oh, I’m sorry to
hear that. Those must have been distressing for
you.’
‘Well, I wasn’t
distressed, exactly. I just thought the BBC might
appreciate my analysis as a valued viewer.’
‘So you thought that
the BBC might have been interested in your
opinion?’
‘They say they are.’
‘Eight million people
watched that drama.’
‘You mean you think
I’m not that significant?’
‘I think you’re
very important, as a person.’
‘Thank you… I
don’t get out much, you see. I get a bit
lonely at home. Contributing to Points of
View makes me feel valued. I also share my
perspectives with the world on Twitter.’
‘Can I ask how many
Twitter followers you have?’
‘Four – although,
admittedly, they’re all ladies from Eastern
Europe, seeking a relationship in misspelt
English.’
‘How do you feel when
you’re sending your opinions to BBC
Points of View, or writing tweets?’
‘Up until now, I felt
as if it gave my life a purpose. But now you make
me think about it, I see that I need to get a
life. After all, there are around seven billion
people in the world. It stands to reason that no
one is going to be really interested in
what I think of BBC programmes or what I
had for breakfast.’
‘Do you write Amazon
one star reviews?’
‘How did you know that?’
‘Just a hunch.’
‘Oh God, my
life’s not worth living. I’m going to
kill myself.’
‘You’re not alone,
you know.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Many people who tweet
about the minutiae of their daily lives, most
people who write Amazon one star reviews, and everyone
who contacts BBC Points of View are just
like you.’
‘You mean they’d
all feel suicidal if they paused for a moment and
thought about how pointless their lives had
become?’
‘That’s why all
callers to BBC Points of View are
redirected to the Samaritans.’
‘What can I do?’
‘Well, you can
obviously contact us at any time if you feel bad.
However, there are other organisations that might
be able to contribute practical help, in addition
to our emotional support.’
‘Do you know somewhere
I could go for help?’
‘I can give you the
numbers of BBC Points of View Anonymous,
Twitter Anonymous and Amazon One
Star Reviewers Anonymous.’
‘What do they do?’
‘I understand that
they provide face to face contact with other
human beings and a chance to talk about anything
other than BBC programmes; pointless, mind
numbing trivia or Amazon products.’
‘What else is there to
talk about?’
‘You might be
surprised.’
‘Thank you so much.
This could be a new beginning for me.’
‘I hope so. If there
are any problems, don’t hesitate to call us
again.’
‘Thanks, I will. Now
what were those numbers…’
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