Vibrations
Vibration theory developed
from psychical research. Rigorous scientific
investigation into reports of ghosts failed to
reveal the spooks hoped for by devotees of the
paranormal. Instead it revealed that presences
occurred in locations possessing a geometry that
caused resonance within a specific band of
frequencies. Controlled experiments verified that
ghosts were sensed, and even observed, under the
influence of this ‘alpha’ range of
vibrations.
Researchers continued
experiments to investigate the effects of other
frequency ranges.
The ‘beta’
frequency range promoted feelings of depression
or dread. Interestingly, equipment in many dental
surgeries emitted these frequencies.
The ‘gamma’ range
produced feelings of light heartedness and joy.
Finally the ‘delta’ range of
frequencies were shown to generate uncontrollable
sexual abandon. The latter discovery was of
particular benefit to the church of St Mary the
Virgin which, after some structural alterations
to adjust resonance frequencies, was once more
able to safely use its altar for sacramental
purposes.
Questions were raised as to
why there had been some ten years between the
research paper in ‘Nature’ which
detailed ‘alpha’, ‘beta’ and
‘gamma’ frequencies, and the one that
revealed the ‘delta’ range. The four-man
research team attributed this to teaching
commitments, as much time was devoted to the
increasingly popular study of ‘mathematical
vibratology'. Indeed, in this period they were
credited with encouraging very many young women
between the ages of eighteen and thirty to take
an interest in science, including significant
numbers of young actresses and models.
The government was quick to
take advantage of this science as many public
buildings were ‘re-tuned’ to
‘gamma’ frequencies. People happily
rushed to pay extra taxes at ‘gamma’
Inland Revenue offices. Criminals queued at
‘gamma’ police stations with hopes of
being sent to ‘gamma’ prisons.
The study of naturally
occurring ‘psychoactive frequencies’
led to a number of startling conclusions. The
discovery that people’s states of mind are
influenced by the resonance frequency of their
bodies was one example. Many struggling with
diets found that losing weight placed their
bodies in the ‘beta’ or
‘depression’ frequency range. Initially,
further despondency was caused by the discovery
that the ‘gamma’ frequency range for
these people often started at forty stones.
Happily for them - and less happily for chocolate
manufacturers - a method for artificially
changing the resonance frequency of a human body
was discovered by Norwegian scientists.
Experiments demonstrated
that reindeer antlers vibrated, even in light
winds, at ‘gamma’ frequencies.
Reindeers were, in fact, the happiest creatures
on earth. This discovery was the breakthrough
which slimmers needed, although some
embarrassment and, indeed, inconvenience is often
caused by the wearing of imitation reindeer
antlers twenty-four hours a day.
Highly paid American
lawyers were also quick to see the potential.
International drug barons were defended on the
grounds that they had acted under the influence
of ‘beta’ frequencies. Indeed,
arguments have even been advanced that the
vibrational frequencies of the office of Slobodan
Milosovitch and the moustache of Saddam Hussein
explain a great deal.
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