The Alternative
Repair Centre
The engineer at Glastonbury
Electronics had told me that my transistor radio
was not worth the cost of repair. On the walk
home, therefore, my attention was drawn to the
sign in the window of the Alternative Repair
Centre. ‘All things can be restored with the
holistic wisdom of the New Age,’ it
proclaimed.
I went inside and showed my
radio to the shop assistant, White Owl. He placed
it carefully on the counter, then closed his eyes
while his hands hovered centimetres above the
machine. He opened his eyes and removed a small
jar labelled ‘Powdered Battery’ from
the counter drawer, sprinkling the contents over
the tuning dial. Finally he picked up the radio
and, as if by accident, dropped it on the floor
voicing the incantation ‘Shit!’ - at
which point it began to work as new.
From that day, I have
directed all repairs to the Centre. When my
washing machine broke down, I rang the Centre
and, due to ‘distant repair’, it was
not even necessary for someone to call. I
learned, however, that I too had my part to play
in the machine’s recovery. The natural
balance in my utility room required restoration,
which could only be achieved by the simplicity of
washing clothes by hand. Eight months have now
passed and each day I sense that the washing
machine is getting closer to recovery.
The power of the forces
harnessed by the workers at the Centre was
tragically demonstrated by the death of White Owl.
He had detected an imbalance in the yin and yang
of a non-functioning television. He was
correcting this with acupuncture when overwhelmed
by a great and mysterious force. His death taught
that greater simplicity of energies was required
when treating electrical equipment, which is now
routinely disconnected from the mains prior to
therapy.
There has, of course, been
predictable opposition from conventional repair
services in the town as they have seen their
business decline. They are blind to the ancient
wisdom, deriding the approach of the Centre as
‘Insane and highly dangerous'. They have no
answer, however, for the fact that it obviously
works. My neighbour’s vacuum cleaner stopped
working only last week. A Feng Shui analysis of
the rooms it cleaned indicated the need for a new
colour scheme in yellows and blues, and a
fountain near the entrance. This was undertaken
with loving care to detail - even down to putting
a new blue and yellow painted fuse in the plug of
the cleaner. The machine then worked perfectly.
Who could dispute the evidence of their own eyes?
Prevention is better than
cure, however, and much of the time of the Centre
workers is now spent in conducting life and
energy giving rituals to restore natural balance
prior to breakdown. Homeopathic car servicing is
a fine example of this - as was always
enthusiastically testified to by the late Mrs
Robertson and the late Mr Hughes.
But don’t just believe
me, visit the Glastonbury Alternative Repair
Centre and try it yourself.
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