Shillay
‘This is the Secretary
General of the United Nations on a direct line
from the UN. Is Doctor Terror there?’
‘Dr Terror speaking.
My nuclear missiles remain aimed at all the major
cities of the world. Have the world leaders
considered my demands?’
‘Yes, and they agree
we have no choice. You can take over the world.’
‘(silence).’
‘Dr Terror, are you
there? I said that you have taken over the world.
What do you intend to do with it?’
‘Oh.......I don’t
know.......I hadn’t thought it through this
far. I kind of assumed that a lone agent with no
backup and no clear plan would have thwarted my
evil designs by now.’
‘To be honest, the
world leaders are pretty pleased that it’s
all up to you now. With global warming,
destruction of the Earth’s resources,
terrorism, numerous wars and problems with the
global economy, it was all getting just too
difficult.’
‘I don’t know
what to do. Can I speak to the President of the
United States?’
‘He went out for a
pizza with the other ex-world leaders about
twenty minutes ago.’
‘Ex-world leaders?’
‘Yes, they all quit.
There wasn’t anything to do, with you having
taken over the world and all. Even the despots
said they hadn’t felt so good for years now
all the worry had been lifted from their
shoulders.’
‘Er.....I don’t
want to take over the world after all. Perhaps
just Europe?’
‘I think you’re
going to find a lot of very disappointed non-European
leaders. Still, Europe is better than nothing. No
one’s going to fight you for it. After all
that’s where pollution is worst and where
the effects of crumbling economies are making the
countries most difficult to govern. Also with one
or two unstable border states, you never know
where the next conflict is coming from.’
‘Perhaps not Europe,
in that case.’
‘Look, Dr Terror, my
pizza will be getting cold. Are you going to take
anything over or not?’
‘Could you recommend
somewhere that is not so problematic?’
‘Hang on, I’ve
got a map of the world on the wall here with all
the trouble-spots marked. There must be somewhere
that’s OK......Ah, Shillay.’
‘Shillay?’
‘It’s a small
island in the Outer Hebrides, north of Scotland.
The weather’s not so good, but there are no
significant problems there. It’s uninhabited,
and the sea bird population pretty much looks
after itself.’
‘I demand to take over
Shillay.’
‘OK, that’s cool.
Shall I tell the guys at the pizza restaurant to
just carry on as usual. Apart from that guy from
the Scottish Parliament, of course, who won’t
need to be worrying about Shillay any more?’
‘Yes please.....And
let this be a lesson to them all not to
underestimate Dr Terror.....Ah ha ha ha haaaa!!!’
‘Fine, now if
you’ll excuse me that Neapolitan pizza with
extra cheese is waiting, and I missed breakfast.
Good bye.’
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