Is the Pope a
Catholic?
Gerald Crusher took a bite
from his tenth hamburger of the morning as he
added the finishing touches to his article for
Slimmers' Life magazine. When, at twenty-eight
stones, he had become the chair of the National
Federation of Slimmers' Associations, there had
been much public ridicule. He had argued,
however, that there was every reason for him to
champion the cause of weight loss. He knew he was
obese, he knew this had led to heart disease and
diabetes, and he knew he had cut his life
expectancy by twenty years. This was his choice,
however, and he saw no inconsistency in warning
others of the dire consequences of following his
example. He thus became a major public advocate
for healthy lifestyles.
Public acceptance of this
reasoning was confirmed when there was little
comment on the election of Abdul Hussein to the
leadership of an ultra right wing, white
supremacist, political party. Despite being an
illegal, black economic migrant, Abdul held the
passionate view that he should never have been
allowed into England. His effectiveness at
pursuing white supremacy was undoubtedly
compromised by his own insistence that he should
be beaten up and thrown out of all Party meetings.
However, to his delight, he was eventually
deported following a conviction for painting
racist graffiti on his own house.
By this time, the concept
that the leader of an organisation should be
committed to the aims of the organisation, but
not necessarily personally reflect these, was
taking root internationally. The most spectacular
example was the election of Pope Mohammed the
first.
PM1, as he liked to be
called, had no particular religious affiliations
and spent much of his time drinking, gambling and
committing adultery. He recognised, however, that
this was an entirely unsustainable lifestyle for
the majority of the world’s population.
Societies would simply disintegrate if people
lacked the emotional solace and moral framework
which faith provided. He thus took an ultra
conservative line on all matters of doctrine.
Indeed, the reintroduction of witch burning
remains controversial despite the cohesive effect
that such events have had on communities.
Rational judgements on what
was best for countries increasingly became
separated from judgements driven by the emotional
needs of their leaders. The introduction of
democracy in many despotic dictatorships
illustrated this. Leaders simply annexed a part
of their land to be managed by corrupt armed
militia, with no consideration for human rights.
The leaders could then enjoy visits to such areas
on holidays or at weekends in order to enact
deranged political and military policies.
Meanwhile, the rest of their dominions enjoyed
peace and economic prosperity.
This concept was finally
recognised as the greatest philosophical and
theological breakthrough since Aristotle when
philosophers and theologians realised it could be
employed to solve the problem of evil. People had
questioned for thousands of years why bad things
happened if God was good? The answer became
obvious. God fully subscribed to good thoughts
and deeds and encouraged prophets to promote this.
To unwind on the Sabbath, however, the Ancient of
Days liked nothing better than the excitement of
a good war or a really spectacular natural
disaster.
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