Indemnity
Dear John and
Sheila,
Rachael and I
are delighted to hear that you’re finally
planning to visit England after so many years
abroad.
We’re
very glad that you’ll both be able to have
dinner with us next month.
Before you
arrive, you need to know about some changes in UK
law since you last joined us for a dinner party.
You might have
read in the UK newspapers a while back about a
rise in the number of guests suing hosts for
accidental injuries caused during social visits.
It’s now obligatory for visitors to sign a
disclaimer stating that they accept full
responsibility for any trauma, physical or
psychological, which may befall them.
We enclose two
copies of the disclaimer form. Please sign one
each, have them witnessed and return them to us
at least fourteen days before your arrival so
they can be registered with our solicitor.
Unfortunately,
these disclaimers have sometimes been challenged
in court. In a landmark case, a visitor to a
coffee morning successfully sued her host for
causing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder by
revealing her husband’s marital infidelity.
Public liability insurance is now required by
anyone who plans to entertain social visitors.
As you’ll
only be with us from 7.00 pm until midnight,
we’re able to insure at only twenty pounds
for the evening. It’s become etiquette for
such costs to be divided between host and guest,
so we hope you won’t mind enclosing a cheque
for ten pounds when you return the above papers.
Also, please
don’t be offended if we insist that you are
off the premises before the cover lapses at
midnight. It’s OK to carry on our
conversation in the street.
I think we
mentioned in our previous letter that we’ve
been decorating Sophie’s bedroom.
Regrettably, we’re not going to have time to
finish painting the skirting boards before you
arrive. This means that her room remains
officially designated as a ‘construction
site’ and ‘hard hat’ area, and so
we won’t be able to show you the work
we’ve done. In part that’s because we
don’t have extra sets of protective clothing
and equipment, but in any case a viewing would
significantly raise the insurance cost.
I’m
afraid that this designation also applies to the
garden due to the water feature we’re
building. We’re taking photographs for you
of these areas and other parts of the house that
the Law prevents you from visiting.
By the way, we
hope it’s OK to have a pre-packed salad for
dinner? Rachael hasn’t fully completed the
relevant food hygiene certificates, and the
insurance indemnity in relation to food poisoning
requires this. In fact, until she’s properly
certificated, she’s not legally allowed to
re-enter our kitchen.
Finally, the
insurance company insists that contemporaneous
notes are kept of any conversations and
activities undertaken with guests while on the
premises. I gather this is so antecedents of
events for which there might be a claim can, if
necessary, be accurately reported in court.
Minute takers
are in demand for this sort of thing at the
moment, particularly on Saturday nights, and so,
if we can’t get one, we wondered if Sheila,
with her secretarial experience, could take the
minutes of our evening?
Anyway, we
look forward to seeing you soon.
Love,
Henry and
Rachael.
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