To the couple
who sat in front of me today on the train
by Nicholas Robert
To the couple
who sat in front of me today on the train;
As you proudly
announced to the carriage that you're the last
generation with 'common sense', you probably don't
need, or want any advice from a youngster like me.
You see, we're all a little bit daft. However, as
you've shared so much with me these past few
hours, (while completely unsolicited), I feel it
would be untoward not to share a few pointers to
help you along in this wild ride called life.
(a) Firstly,
yes, you are going to need your passport to get
into whatever South East Asian country your poker
tournament is held in. No, your license isn't
going to just 'cut it'. I feel you may be in for
a rude awakening very, very soon. Airport
security, I tend to find, aren't the most
sympathetic bunch.
(b) Secondly,
your life plan, which first of all banks on you
winning the poker tournaments 35 thousand
dollar main prize, then putting it all on one
number in roulette is ingenious. There's no way
the odds are stacked against you on that one. Yes,
once you do win, and I'm sure you will, you'll
never have to work another day in your life. With
investment planning like that, I can see how you
far outshine members of all other generations
like myself.
(c) Thirdly,
asking 'do you get it' after every blonde joke
isn't helping anyone. Sadly, I don't think the
problem is in a lack of understanding. If,
however, you work a bit on your timing, I'm sure
one day someone will eventually find you funny.
(d) Finally,
while those sunglasses may have been trendy in
the time period known as 'never', they are
certainly not helping your look now. If they are
merely for practicality, I kindly remind you that
it is night time. Night = no sun = no need for
sunglasses. I'm not sure whether you took Maths,
or even went to high school at all, as surely
your common sense was all you needed. But I hope
that equation makes sense.
Mind you, this
is coming from someone who walked into a river
with their passport. Nevertheless, I wish you all
the best with what will albeit be a shorter
holiday than expected. Although, I have heard
there is a lovely cafe in Sydney airport and the
star, a mere train ride away, also has roulette
and poker. Although I doubt the overseas casino
will refund your $500 entry fee. I also give you
the best of luck in your future as a comedian.
Maybe branch out, try some new material, trust me,
there are far more people to make fun of than
blondes. Self-deprecation seems like it would be
right down your alley. I am hopeful, that one day
your girlfriend, (who upon further inspection
actually appears to be your mother), laughs at
one of your jokes.
Kind Regards,
The arrogant
youngster sitting behind you with, sadly, no
common sense.
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