On Strike!
by Rick Tornello
In most every organization or
government agency there’s at least one
person, though not incompetent enough to get
fired and/or the runt of some politicos litter,
who is the one given the least important tasks,
the ones that no career-oriented human would want
or volunteer for. In the Counter Terrorism
Division of the Washington FBI, that person was
Major Chen-ren Shazi (retired).
The Director reviewed the letter
from the President and passed it on to his deputy
stating, “this is total bullshit. No one has
a clue what the President thinks needs to be done.
Read it.”
The deputy looked at the letter and
rolled her eyes. “This is someone's idea of
a hoax. This should blow over or some group will
admit to this expecting accolades. We’ll
just flatten them.”
“Probably so but in the mean
time they have enough money and technical skill
to broadcast it all over the damned planet as
well as override the Internet censors. The
President wants answers. I don’t want to
waste our time. What do you suggest?”
A broad smile broke out across her
face. Simultaneously they said, “Shazi.”
Major Shazi (retired), known to his
associates as Chunren or Shaz for short, looked
at the book of data he was given by the Deputy
Director. “I’ll start on this
immediately,” he responded and, military
style, made a quick about face and was walking to
his office when he heard, “You’ve got
48 hours at the most. The President wants answers
and a solution.”
The Deputy Director considered "maybe
this jerk will really screw things up and we can
get rid of him once and for all. We could use the
desk space."
Shazi began to read the file. He
went online and brought up the declaration. It
went as follows:
We of the Union wish not to hurt
anyone yet we believe we have not been given the
respect and acknowledgement due our position
within the whole of society and the world. To
that end we promise to make your lives rather
miserable save for necessary operations like
hospitals, fire fighting and some specific police
activity that we will select throughout the
planet. Read the following and tremble:
“Your I-pad won’t work
and you all ain’t no jerks.
Your screen stopped scrolling, and the keyboard’s
corroding.
Your FiOS and bios are fried.
As for craft in the heavens and
jets that fly? Fly by wire and computer alighted?
All will rumble, stumble, tumble down from the
sky.
An approach broached, grounded
and not theoretical.
Controlled-through by digital, your autos
mechanical,
now crashing, bashing and thoroughly smushed.
QED and Maxwell’s equations,
the keys to modern life’s situations?
An end as you know it.
To the 19th century, or earlier?
Not even a bet, you’ll go it!!
Still got gravity’s push
It ain’t all that much.
But without it, good-bye tush.
Shazi walked into the Director’s
office without even knocking. “Sir,” he
said, “is this some sort of joke you are all
playing on me. It isn’t even close to 1
April? I know you all think I’m an idiot,
but this is too much. I do have some pride. Have
you read all of this?
The Director looked up smiling,
“No Chen-ren, this is real. We have no idea
who these people are, where the come from, the
manner of their organization, how their threats
can be carried out or anything other than what
you have in your hands. Every government on the
planet has received the exact copy you have. I
think it’s a grand hoax but our President,
‘bless his heart’ as my grandmother
would say when someone nuts like him came to a
church affair, states something so stupid and is
so important, and,” he took a breath before
he concluded, "that that person has to be
brain damaged or needed to be put out of his or
her misery."
“The Assistant Director and I
decided you were the best person to deal with
this because of your rather unorthodox manner of
analysis, and that it required thinking outside
any box the rest of us live in.”
Shazi was pleased with this answer
and smiled. “Oh thank you for this honor. I
will return to my desk and continue the
investigation.”
“Yes you do that,"
answered the Director. "And please, two
things.”
“ What may they be?”
“Next time knock before
entering and shut the door as you leave.” He
wanted to say "don’t let it hit you in
the butt as you leave", but thought some
decorum was required to keep up appearances.
“Yes sir,” said Major
Shazi (retired) and snapped to a salute, about
faced, gently shut the door and marched back to
his office. “They really think I can handle
this. They finally realize I’m not a jerk or
an idiot. Even the President thinks this is
important. Lots of coffee and no sleep until I’m
done,” he said to himself with a great smile.
He reread the proclamation again up
to the point he stopped attempting to wrap his
mind around the thinking that might be behind
this note, joke or actual threat. He read on.
We want parity with reality.
No spin around, no up, and no down.
No lucky charms or Feynman yarns.
We demand a union with relative’s theology!
It may take some work.
We know you’re not jerks.
We’re not diabolical,
just quantum mechanical.
So give us the same
where relativity’s sanctity is claimed.
Quantum Mechanics on
Strike!”
"Well, well," he thought.
"This is pretty funny. And who has the power
to nullify quantum reality?" He reread the
whole letter and as he concluded it for at least
the third time, he had a new, unbelievable,
thought, a realization that was nothing short of
a revelation. He went to the library and brought
up a few articles on new theories in physics.
He ran to the Director's office, and
knocked on the door. The Director said, ”enter.”
“Sir, please call your deputy.
I know what this is about!”
The deputy came in wearing a sneer
of derisive scorn and clearly stated her
displeasure, stating most bluntly, “ Major
Shazi, we all know you’re an idiot. Why we
hired you is beyond me. That you even think you
have solved this joke is a waste of all our time.
We have terrorists to capture, plots to subvert,
and other such real and important things.”
“Yes madam Director," he
said eyes looking down. “BUT, I understand
what this is about. My own studies in physics, my
experiences in transcendental meditation and
other related shall we say drug induced
activities gives me an open window…” He
was abruptly cut off.
“The only open window it the
one you’re going to be thrown out of,”
yelled the director.
“Please hear me out.”
The Director hit a button and two
Marine Guards stepped in. “Please escort
Major Shazi (retired), and now fired, psychedelic
ex-agent, out of the building. Relieve him of his
badge, ID and gun."
To the Deputy Director he smiled,
“Well, we finally got him. He admitted to
drugs that are forbidden, obviously while passing
the lie detector test, but we got him. This joke
that someone is playing on the planet will soon
fade away and we can do our jobs, and retire most
comfortably.”
As Major Shazi was being escorted
out, he asked the guards, “Please release my
arms. That hurts!” They did. They always
liked him, even though they were aware that
everyone thought he was an idiot and jerk. He was
never a danger.
“Come on, let's take the
elevator. We’re going to miss you,” one
of them said.
Major Shazi pleaded, “Please,
let’s take the steps. Please? I will not run
or do anything untoward.”
“Why not, sure,” said the
other.
As they reached the front doors a
great noise was heard from the sky toward
Washington National Airport. Two jets just fell
out of the sky. All the cars, trucks and busses
stopped in the streets, smashing into one another,
and all manner of windows in shops and buildings
went dark.
Major Shazi (retired) looked at the
two guards and said. “I didn’t want to
be trapped in the elevator. That message was not
from a terrorist organization. It was from the
core of the universe realizing that we were now
up to speed technologically and that this part of
the whole, meaning us, now needed to be accepted
and co-joined just as relativity is. You’ve
heard of quantum mechanics?” He asked the
two marines.
One said, “Yeah sure I watch
Big Bang.”
The other nodded and asked, “What
has that to do with anything here?”
Major Chen-ren Shazi replied, “Everything.
All the quantum mechanics on earth are now on
strike.”
© 2021 Richard Tornello
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