Big Splash
by Stephen Philip Druce
I went
swimming and forgot my swimming costume.
Thankfully the pool attendant lent me a pair -
"Who else
has worn these?" i asked him.
"Everybody"
he replied.
"Everybody?"
I said concerned. He said -
"Yes,
every scummy warts-infected, sloppy breasted,
sperm-sloshed, scabby unwashed, crusty musty
tramp with fleas and residue herpes, every hairy
assed and pubic lice-ridden, flaky skinned and
gonorrhoea-hidden, sweaty balled, syphillis and
piss installed, filthy toe rag and fornicating
sordid man slag on the face of God's earth".
"I can't
wear those" I said, "why not?" he
replied.
"because
there's a picture of Des O'connor on the front of
them" I said.
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