The Ten
Commandments In the 21st Century
by Doug Hawley
A team of
defense lawyers has given a modern interpretation
of the Ten Commandments.
1. I am the Lord Your God. / You shall
have no other gods before me.
Response – One of these is not even
a commandment. Note that it says “before”,
therefore having other gods equal is acceptable,
so if you choose to have Morduk, Justin Bieber,
money, a Corvette, Angelina Jolie, or the
Portland Trailblazers as equal gods, you meet the
letter of the law.
2. You
shall not make yourself an idol.
Response – We can’t imagine
that applies to reality shows like “American
Idol” or movie studios, the major producers
of idols.
3. Do
not take the name of the Lord in vain.
Response – “In vain”,
what does that even mean? Other parts of the
book imply that we can’t speak or know his/her
name, and that there are many names for god, so
how can we possibly apply this commandment? We
don’t think that “Gosh” or “Golly”
are offenses.
4.
Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy.
Response – If some say it is
Saturday and some say it is Sunday, it would be
completely unfair to apply this to either day. Anyway,
how do we keep it holy? Does watching
football and drinking beer count if football is a
co-equal god?
5.
Honor your father and mother.
Response – Visits on Christmas or
Thanksgiving should be adequate.
6. You
shall not kill/murder.
Response – If you are commanded by
secular authority, such as the military, this
commandment is rendered void. Police are
exempt. If somebody threatens you in any way, say
looking at you in an intimidating way, lethal
response is considered self-defense.
7. You
shall not steal.
Response – Office supplies should
be considered de minimus. Borrowing and not
returning does not constitute stealing.
8. You
shall not commit adultery.
Response – If you did not enjoy it
or agree to counseling afterwards, it should not
be held against you.
9. You
shall not bear false witness against your
neighbor.
Response – Your truth may not be
his/her truth.
10.
You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife.
/ You shall not covet anything that belongs to
your neighbor.
Response – The first half is
unenforceable because it is not gender neutral. Defining
the difference between “liking” and
“coveting” is a slippery slope no one
is qualified to define.
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