The Marital
Dialogues Act 2
by Doug Hawley
Duke singing
“When the deep purple falls over sleepy”
Sally interrupts “Duke, you’ve
been warned about singing. Stop it now.”
Sally “Do
have any idea what we should do when we can’t
cut the mustard anymore?”
Duke “When it happens to me, I assume that
you will still be OK, because I’m halfway
around the bend now. Take me into the woods,
and if I find my way back you have to keep me.
Otherwise I’ll try to survive by mugging
squirrels and eating berries.”
Sally “If it does happen to me first, put me
in a comfy chair and bring me chocolates and
brandy.
Duke “Your
mother hates me.”
Sally “That is just not true. How can
you say that?”
Duke “She refers to me the drain clog.”
Sally “OK, she may not like you much.”
Duke “Why?”
Sally “I married you. She hates in-laws and
isn’t that crazy about family.”
Sally “Why
do you take your shirt off before going to the
toilet?”
Duke “Shittee on shirttail 5 cents extra.”
Duke
repeatedly clicking Info on the remote “Hmm.
Why doesn’t this work. Could it be that
the last person to use this didn’t hit the
cable button?”
Sally “I usually hit the cable button. Why
can’t you just hit the cable button?”
Duke “The person who starts the remote
should just hit all three buttons.”
Sally “Can we just move on, PLEASE?”
Duke “How
do I turn on the laundry?”
Sally “How did you ever survive as a
bachelor?”
Duke “It wasn’t pretty. I used to use
plates until they were so dirty the food rolled
off. I learned how to use a coin op laundry. I
don’t think I ever washed sheets or blankets. My
mother checked in from time to time to see if I
was surviving. I can’t remember where my
clothes came from.”
Duke “Wasn’t
the deal that I would buy the car and you would
plan for Backyard Certification?”
Sally “Yes.”
Duke “Didn’t we get a car over a year
ago?”
Sally “I’m planning on the garden.”
Sally “Whose
turn is it to fill up the pill containers?”
Duke “I don’t even know what I had for
breakfast and that was fifteen minutes ago.”
Sally “What
color do you want to paint the house?”
Duke “Purple with orange racing stripes.”
Sally “Sigh. Why do I even
bother?”
Duke “Do
you remember our first date?”
Sally “I vividly remember, we went to see
“Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid”
and then went to the ‘The Midnight Sun’
for dinner. It was a great evening.”
Duke “Apparently your memory is no better
than mine. I invited you over to my
apartment for popcorn and sex. You are right
about it being a great evening. The movie
and dinner wasn’t until later in Atlanta.”
Sally “You lie. I have a mind like a steel
trap.”
Duke “Right. Rusty and filled with dead
furry things.”
Duke “How
about an evening of dining and dancing.”
Sally “Great idea. It’s been a long
time since we have gone out to do anything.”
Duke “Uhh … I was thinking of bringing
some MacDonald’s home and playing some
Rolling Stones or Little Richard.”
Sally “Ever the romantic.”
|
