The Afterwife
by Doug Hawley
Duke had been
married to Sally for twenty years before she died
of cancer. To his extreme unhappiness,
he found out that Sally didn’t believe in
sex after marriage. During those
twenty years, Duke tried to get sex everywhere,
but Sally checked on his every movement and every
minute. She examined his cell phone
and social media every fifteen minutes. Because
she had a lot more money than he did, he stuck
with her for the financial benefits, but he
longed to cut his leash.
After his Sally died, Duke feverishly pursued his
freedom to the limits. The first day
he arranged for an escort, but she came with her
boyfriend who beat him up and took his money. Next
Duke came home with a drunk that he met at a bar. Before
they could get to the bedroom, his hookup became
sick and after her projectile vomiting started,
they decided that it was a bad idea to proceed.
A week after that Duke’s boss Sheila agreed
to go drinking with him after work. On
their way to a local dive bar, his car was T-boned. Duke
had one lung punctured and Sheila got a broken
arm from the crash.
When Duke had healed adequately, he went to
Aphrodite’s Men’s Club and got a lap
dance. Afterwards, someone stabbed him
in the dark parking lot. It hurt like
hell, but it was a minor wound.
The morning after, he got a call. The
caller ID was Sally / Heaven.
When he picked up, he heard a spectral Sally
“Damn it, I told you no women. The
next time you try to hook up with someone, you
and the woman will die a horrible death, and your
afterlife will be hell. You lied when
you said there would be no women after me. You
even used that corny quote from ‘Titanic’
‘Our love will go on’”. It
must have been all about my money.”
Duke gave up his earthly possessions and joined
the Immaculate Monastery. After his
earlier painful experiences, he found that
keeping his vow of silence much harder than
giving up sex.
Appears
in Written Tales
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