Smith
by Doug Hawley
“Tell me
a little bit about yourself Mr. Smith.”
“First, Smith isn’t my original name. I
had to change it several times because my baby
mommies kept trying to get me for child support. Six
or seven women, ten or fifteen kids, I can’t
keep track.”
“Anyhoo, I didn’t have much schooling. The
fourth grade teacher, what’s her name, was a
tyrant that thought she was smarter than me, you
know what I mean. That was OK, because
I was big for my age, and I moved into some petty
thievery and moving large quantities of weed. At
first I was too young to get a driver’s
license, so I had to boost cars. I got
some pretty sweet rides, Lambos, Ferraris, and
Porches. I tell ya, I’m a great
driver.”
“Things went south when MaryJane was
legalized. Politicians got no concern
for no hard working business man. Legal
stuff killed my business.”
“Car theft had just been a sideline, but
after the dope biz dried up, I went at it full
time. You only get about $10k for a
stolen $90k car, but it only took a few a year to
keep me in leather underwear.”
“Being an enterprising guy, I got into sex
work as a side hustle. Most of my baby
mamas worked with me at one time, but I had to
make myself scarce when they got pregnant.”
“If you been paying attention, what do you
think, baldy?”
“In the bad old days, I wouldn’t have
anything for you Mr. Smith. However,
in this enlightened age, I’ve got several
possibilities for you if you really want to go
legit. Talk show host, reality star,
you tube star, influencer and Instagram model
opportunities are wide open. If you
want to avoid work but still get rich, I know a
ghost writer who can turn your biography into a
million seller. That in turn can be a
major motion picture blockbuster. Welcome
to fame and fortune.”
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