Reflections of a
Burned Out Manager
by Melissa
Grunow
Rule #1:
Do not sit unless invited to do so (and rarely
will you be invited to do so). In fact, take that
chair with you when I finally kick you out of my
office in hopes of preventing other people from
sitting.
Rule #2:
Do not express your concerns to me unless I am
your direct manager, as I don’t have the
authority to do anything about them. I don’t
care that your supervisor is in a meeting or on
vacation. Just because I’m closest to the
door doesn’t mean I provide a service for
all.
Rule #3:
Do not ask me about an email that you just sent
me and then proceed to tell me the contents of
that email. I either already responded or I haven’t
been able to deal with it yet (or I deleted it
for being decidedly irrelevant).
Rule #4:
Do not wander in to “just say hi” or
anything else that requires me to conduct small
talk. I am most likely working on a very
important spreadsheet/report/training manual/Facebook
status update that needs my undivided attention
and relentless concentration. You are taking away
time that I will never get back.
Rule #5:
Do not ask me questions that you can figure out
yourself (e.g., “How do I reset my password?”
“Why won’t the printer print?”
“Why does this copy machine keep jamming?”
“Is that a Coke or Pepsi machine in the
lounge?”). Demonstrate that I did not have a
lapse in judgment when I hired you and seek out
the answers yourself.
Rule #6:
It’s not my job to fix the copy machine.
Side note: Repeatedly slamming the drawers while
you search for the errant crumpled sheet of paper
will only anger the machine and cause it to jam
again.
Rule #7:
Don’t complain about your earnings. If you
can make more money working elsewhere, then go
work elsewhere.
Rule #8:
Don’t “just take a second of my time”
when I am on my way to the bathroom. I WILL PEE
ON YOU.
Rule #9:
Don’t linger in the doorway and chat me up
under the guise of expressing interest in the
agenda for the next department meeting. Nobody
cares about the agenda for the next department
meeting. I know you’re just trying to figure
out if the meeting will end early so you can keep
your dinner reservation. Stop insulting my
intelligence.
Rule #10:
Thank you for responding to my requests. But
could you please do as instructed? You are not
the only person who works for me. Compliance: We
all have to do our part.
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