Inpler
by Doug Hawley
Langwig
report 2019 -2119
During the last hundred yrs gr8 progress has bin
mad in Amerikan Langwig. This sa will
kover the trendz and landmarks of that period.
The drivers of the khanges wur 2 movements. 1
went undr the banr “If it’s diffikult,
it’s not worth doing” whikh led to
“The Gr8 Simplifikashun” and the other
wuz texting.
The “Diffikult” movement was supportd
by neerly every1, but was strongest in akademia. Even
the students went along. Sum say the
first khang was abandoning kursiv. As
with kursiv, manee other similar khanges wur
brewing simultaneously. Bekuz no 1 new
what affekt or effekt ment, “impakt”
was usd xklusivlee. Outsid of
historikal dokuments sukh as this, neether
arkhaik term haz bin usd sens 2043. Imply
and infer had konfused generashuns, so inpler was
usd for ether 1, dispit sum preferring imfer. Inspird
by texting, your and you’re bekam ur. Problem,
disease, injury, error and mistak were
effektivlee eliminatd by “isyew” by the
2030’s. A servey indikatd onlee 3%
of the populashun understood there, their and
they’re so they all bekam ther.
Parts of speekh were improvd by ending the
arbitraree distinkshun between verbs and nowns. Mukh
earlier, task and impakt were verbd, and ask and
reveel were nownd. By 2085 everee verb
had been usd as a nown and by 2093 every nown had
been usd as a verb. The combinashun bekam
nerbs.
Texting had bin a great fors in simplifying and
improving the langwidg. Ur, 4, b, and
u were promoted by texts. It had added
shortkutz sukh as lol, btw, lmfao and other
wondrus things. Along with the
internet, texting emojis had eliminatd the need 4
most words. Following the peezful robot
revolushun of 2098, no human had dun any riting
outsid of texts sens 2105. Human
aktivitee during the 8 owers awake revolves
around watkhing klassik entertainment sukh as
“I Married Joan” and eating Doritos. Robots
now krea8 all literakher, and do a mukh better
job than humans ever did. Kompar
“Romeo And Juliet” to “Parents Had
Isyews, Kids Died” for xampl.
Bekuz “pre” had bekum larglee usd to
mean earlee it’s original use as befor was
lost and “prehistoree” bekam simplee
“befor historee”.
Kleeshays were skrutinizd in the 2080s. Bekuz
they had never bin regulatd, sum rulz wur rekwird. The
Kommission kam up with:
Most kleeshays kud not b usd mor than 50 milyon
times without being retird for 20 yrs at whikh
tim they kud be resurrektd. Klassiks
sukh as “On / off my radar” kan b, in
fakt shud b, usd at every opportunitee. Basd
on this ruling, “wok”, “optiks”
and “wok it bak” kan be usd now, but u
will have to wat for “groovee”, “lit”
and “yo mama”.
1 of the rulz developd over the tim period of
this report that defis understanding is the
rekwirment to add “kommunitee” after
every groop. Peepl speek of “the
gravel kommunitee” rather than “gravel”.
The promulgashun of this od rul is lost in
antikwitee.
Dispit langwig being larglee standardizd, ther is
1 larg xsepshun. Haf the world
recognizes one form of adres – sapien or
title – and the other haf has 3,422
depending on amt of opreshun, nationalitee,
ethnisitee and khois from 83 gendrs.
By KPR3
A
more easily understood version appeared in Potato
Soup "Stylesheet" is a companion
piece.
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