Farage Makes an
Offer They Can't Refuse
by Wallace
Runnymede
Nigel Farage has finally
had it with the intransigence of the EU.
So he's offering the
following nuclear option for Europe, which has
terrified sundry Eurocrats and politicians of all
the once proud and arrogant former states of
Europe.
Nigel genially smirks:
If you don't give us
what we want, we will stay in the EU forever!
Apparently the whole
continent's quaking in their seven-league,
standard-sized, uniform and achingly metric-compatible
boots at this terrible prospect.
I just don't understand
it, sobs Angela Merkel, her eyes
streaming with the memories of the good riddance
that could have been.
Why, we have done
absolutely nothing to upset the British!
We have tried, oh
please believe me, we have tried so, so hard; we
really have!
Oh, it is just a
tragedy. No one is perfect, but we have always
attempted to give their voluminous demands the
utmost consideration.
Ach, why should more
decades of whinging and moaning be inflicted on
us? It is simply too much to bear.
Former charismatic French
leader Nicolas Sarkozy roars:
No wonder something
like this happens, with Monsieur Hollande sitting
on the hands. Why does he say nothing, doing
nothing at all? Rien de tout! We need a leader
who can grasp the hold of these chicken-nugget-eating
hooligans and expel them forever! L'enfer c'est
les rosbifs? N'est-ce pas?
Farage was unable to
comment on these views from Germany and France as
he was smacking his lips at a fine Bavarian real
ale in a comfortable small-town pub in the Welsh
valleys.
Still, I guess it won't be
too long before we hear his opinion. Normally isn't.
...
Oh wait, is that a bottle
of champagne I see before me?
...
And a bottle of Normandy's
finest?
Hmm...
An
earlier version of this piece appears at: http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/magazine/13460/john-kerry-eu-youre-gonna-make-me-verbose-when-you-go
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