You Have Been
Cautioned
by Art Wright
the contents of
this coffee cup may be HOT
please be careful not to burn yourself or
others
the contents may also be wet
spillage may result in slipping hazards
the shorting-out of electrical equipment
electrocution and death
or a possibly an embarrassing stain on
the pants
the contents of this coffee cup
may also be COLD
sudden violent reactions from sipping
yesterday’s coffee
carelessly left on your desk
could dislocate any number of bodily
joints,
scare fellow employees or,
result in the accidental send of that
questionable email you will later regret
the contents of this coffee cup may
not even be coffee
please do not accept beverages in this,
or any other cup
from people you do not know
unless they are clearly identifiable
representatives of a reputable
establishment or the government
this cup should not be used to contain
any non-digestible substances,
especially petroleum based products and
radioactive material
please, please, please do not eat this
cup
although this cup may be distributed
via a drive-through service
do not utilize this cup,
(or read this warning label),
while operating a motor vehicle
please exercise extreme caution
while transporting this cup
from the vehicle
to the stationary location
where you may enjoy it safely
this cup is not a toy
please keep it out of the reach of
children
(on second thought, since any well-motivated
and mischievous child
can probably find a way to get to
it…
it is best to hold onto it at all times
until you are finished and can dispose of
it properly)
please consult our website
for proper disposal techniques
do not use this cup to eavesdrop on your
neighbors through the wall
doing so could expose you to potentially
disturbing, or dangerous information
this cup is NOT a life preserver
using it in this manner
could result in legal action
from the drowning victim’s family
if other more suitable floatation devices
are proven to have been available
this cup is not sanctioned for use in any
religious rituals
especially those in which someone may get
hurt
for any other questions or concerns
regarding the safe use of this product
please consult our website under the
“Common Sense” link
any attempt to sue the manufacturer or
authorized distributor of this product,
for any calamity arising from its use or
misuse,
will be met with a team of lawyers
that will eat you for lunch
and leave you to use this cup
for begging on the street corner
YOU HAVE BEEN CAUTIONED
please sign here:
and enjoy your beverage |
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