The Wiki Dream
Interpreter
by M. V.
Montgomery
Client: During
our training for the world soccer tournament,
Coach insisted on all of us getting a good night’s
sleep and laid down strict rules: no alcohol, no
club parties, and no women. The first week, I had
the strangest dream. We were playing against
another team clothed in burkas and the players
would tackle us whether we had the ball or not.
Over subsequent nights, this competition grew
more intense. Opposing players began grabbing at
us, even pulling us to the ground and mounting us.
In one dream, two months into the harsh training
regimen, the player astride me pulled aside the
veil to reveal the face of a well-known swimsuit
model. The gown this woman wore slid partway open,
revealing a pair of ripe, pendulant breasts. She
then pressed her half-clothed body against mine;
and in that moment, I . . . [Content Deleted].
Wiki Dream
Interpreter: Fundamentally this is a
dream about sports; which, as any online
dictionary will tell you, is really about
personal “goal”-setting (this may
manifest itself literally, in a dream about
soccer). The facial coverings of opposing players
suggest the “veiling” of a personal
issue you must confront and a certain degree of
self-denial on your part regarding the importance
of pursuing your objectives. I sense you’re
uncertain about this? Consider the dream a
rallying cry to strip the mask off your present
situation, to ask yourself the questions, “Who
am I?” and, “What goals do I wish to
achieve?”
Client: Sir,
I took your advice and joined the zendo to get in
touch with my inner self. But during periods of
extreme fasting, I started obsessing over food. I
was assured this was quite natural, but my
cravings grew unbearable and haunted my sleep. I’d
find myself transported back to my childhood home
during a holiday feast, sometimes with the zen
master himself sitting silently by, neither
approving nor disapproving. Then came a dream in
which he attempted to interpose himself between
the banquet table and me. So I morphed into this
huge gaping maw of a mouth and ate him, too.
Wiki Dream
Interpreter: The presence of “comfort
food” suggests a desire to return home,
perhaps all the way back to the mother/master. In
this context, your use of the word “maw”
must be considered a pun. Cannibalism, however,
always represents a destructive or forbidden
desire, and in combination with other
associations, suggests a fundamentally unhealthy
relationship with your mother. There must be
emotional issues which have gone unresolved for
too long, which have left you feeling “starved”?
Regard this dream as a clarion call to confront
your mother, to stand up for yourself and insist,
“Love me. Care for me. Feed my emotional
needs.”
Client:
Sir, I have a question from my mother. Ever since
I’ve moved back home, she’s been having
her own dream in which she’s pregnant again
(my mother is in her sixties and post-menopausal,
so this is impossible) and the fetus has grown so
big she has to lie on her back, not inside the
house, but outside, for fear her abdomen could
burst through the roof. She’s embarrassed to
be put on display in this manner in front of her
neighbors, who aren’t hesitant to query
about her naked belly.
Wiki Dream
Interpreter: Clearly, your mother fears
she is going to be “exposed” to others,
probably for a situation or state-of-affairs she
wishes to keep hidden, or strictly among
household “insiders.” Do you have any
idea what this shameful circumstance might be?
Client:
Gosh, no. I’ve only been living at my mother’s
place for six months but can’t imagine her
harboring any secrets.
Wiki Dream
Interpreter: A “secret” is not
necessarily a bad thing: according to leading
online dictionaries, it may symbolize power, or
perhaps an emergent subconscious realization that
while there’s an unpleasant problem to face,
one possesses the inner reserves to do so. Tell
your mother to take this dream as a call to arms
to expel the noxious influence from her life.
Client: That’s
great news, thanks!
Wiki Dream
Interpreter: You’re most welcome.
Client:
May I ask you about my own dream, sir? Lately I’ve
been hanging out at Starbucks when I’ve
promised my mother I’ll be out looking for
work. I’ll spend most of the day sipping
coffee because I don’t wish to return to
more criticism. I’ll be sitting in one of
those plush chairs with my laptop and start to
nod off. Soon I find myself transported back to
ancient times, where I’m seated on a bench
in a plaza next to a reflecting pool. Fountains
gush from classical statues. One figure intrigues
me: its stony countenance eerily resembles my own,
and as I listen to the water trickling out below,
I receive a lasting impression of contentment and
peace. The position of the arms is also most
striking: the one on the left hangs downward,
like the David’s; the one on the right is
held akimbo, forming a kind of loop. From my
vantage, the shape seems to spell out the letter
“P.” Please, could you tell me what
this means?
Wiki Dream
Interpreter: It means you have to pee.
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