The Job
Application
by Judith Bradfield
In desperation I applied for a
toilet cleaner's position. Imagine my surprise
when I was faced with a council generic
application form asking for 9 pages of
information, including what my skills could bring
to this position!
The
Job Description:
We are
looking for a part time toilet cleaner to work in
various locations around the Borough for an
average of 20 hrs per 4 day shift. Shifts will be
worked Monday to Sunday, 4 days on 4 days off,
working both early mornings and early evening.
The job
involves opening and closing toilets around the
Borough and ensuring that a high standard of
cleanliness is maintained at all times. You will
have a full driving license and be able to work
in a conscientious and flexible manner.
The
Application Form - What can your skills bring to
this position?
My skills
regarding toilet cleaning:
When I saw
this advert I was flush with excitement and
enthusiasm leaked from my soul.
With my
finances sliding down the pan, I saw this
position advertised and can now see everything
falling into place.
How do my
skills and personal attributes help with this wee
position?
In my
midwifery career I have witnessed all types of
bodily excrement being deposited in the humble
toilet: vomit, diarrhoea, blood, wee, bottles,
syringes, and dreams, prior to the task of
cleaning. There are no shocks or surprises left.
Even babies have been born down the toilets I
have cleaned, (not first without removing them
and returning them to their mother, of course). Crap
has been part of my job description since my
career commenced. Yet still I have pride in my
work and would seek to ensure a high standard of
spit and polish every lavatory I clean.
It is
understandable that flexibility is essential,
some cubicles so small one has to climb aboard
before closing the door. I am fit, slim and
flexible, able to reach the darkest of corners.
Tight cubicles are not a problem, wielding
the toilet brush like a dancer who loves to keep
fit, I will be able to use your cleaning
appliances in an agile and effective manner.
Pulling dangly bits, to cause a rush of fluid
that gurgles away, will be music to my ears and
enhance the orchestral movement, rhythm, and
sensual contours as the toilets are sanitised.
And should I get lost on my travels I can flush
and observe the Coriolis effect in the basin,
which will tell me which hemisphere I am in.
The genius
involved in the creation of these vessels cannot
be understated. Marcel Duchamp knew of their
conceptual beauty. While studying for a BA Hons,
I spent many happy hours photographing the
designs and colours of public toilets spaces,
their support structures, surrounding ambiance
and muted sounds. Mindful cleaning and
touching each curve in a sensitive way, with a
cleaning cloth, or brush is vital.
The toilet
space/ cubicle has been designed in a way to give
privacy but yet not to isolate. It is
important to respect that space when cleaning
toilets and to be quietly unobtrusive so one does
not disturb the tranquillity of the client’s
contemplation/reading. Listening to phone
calls and other bodily noises would not be polite
and I would respect users of these spaces.
Opening and
closing the toilet premises would be undertaken
with care, I have a great awareness of security
and safety, and would ensure the premises have no
clingons past closing time. I must mention
P P, (personal protection), the closing
facilities of toilet basins is sometimes missing
and spray has been noted at six feet away, manual
handling may be an issue if protection is not
offered, anticipation of clogging issues may
occur by excessive dumps therefore footwear
protection would be expected.
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