Our Family
Annals
by M. V.
Montgomery
Uncle Steve’s Speech at
the Family Picnic
“Hey, thanks to Ron and Ronnie,
who when it comes to hosting these shindigs
really know how to step up to the plate.
Especially Ron himself, folks, if you know what I
mean. Just lookit him putting away those burgers!
And howzabout that bean-and-weiner dish of
Ronnie’s—huh, ladies and gents? Maybe I
should say, ‘ladles and germs’?”
Aunt Magda’s Cautionary
Tale
“You children run along.
I’ll be out later. Gotta watch your step—those
Communiss might be lurking in the bushes trying
to take your picture, or maybe hanging
microphones down from the porch, tryin’ to
record everything you say. That’s what that
dear, dear man from Wisconsin used to say when I
was just a girl your age. That Senator Joe.”
Cousin Jenna’s Letter
Home From College
“. . . It’s not like
Centreville is the center of the world, you know.
There are lots of other places!! I’ve made
some friends here who believe I must have grown
up in the sticks!! They know that there’s a
world out there bigger than you can
possibly even imagine!! So you might as well know
now that when I graduate, I am going to move to
New York!!”
Pappy Lou’s 95th
Birthday Wish
“Goddamn it, I said I’m
tired. Can’t a man lie down when he wants to?
[Snores]. What the . . .? [Pause]. Blow out the
damn candles yourself. Waste of electricity!
Olley, golley, what’s shakin, Miss Molly?
Heh heh heh. Heh heh heh heh heh [Snorts, blows
his nose]. Sure I’ll make a wish, now,
damnye! I wish you’d all just pop
off so I could lie down.”
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