My Lover Will
Never Return
by Gen Wang
To be more
exact, it was I that had driven her off. At that
time she was studying in Junior Two, while I was
a Senior Three. Though we did not live in the
same village, I had to walk by her gate on my way
home. We didn’t get to know each other until
one day she stopped me and handed to me some test
papers. She seemed to have kept them in her hand
for a very long time. I was sure that she had
borrowed them from others, and she must have
tried her best, otherwise she couldn’t have
succeeded. However, I failed the exams. So every
day I didn’t do anything except stay inside.
I didn’t dare see any old friends or any
relatives. It was then that she flew into my
heart.
One evening
after supper, I felt rather lonely but I had no
way out. Suddenly an idea came into my mind. Why
not climb up the tree at the back of our yard to
see the faraway scenery? As soon as I was up the
tree, she came into my sight. She stood on a low
hill not far from our house, with a basket in
front of her, lost in thought. Occasionally, she
looked up to my house. I got excited. Never had I
felt so happy in my life! So I jumped off the
tree and stole out of the house towards her. When
she found me, she looked even more excited than
me. At first neither of us spoke. All we could do
was look each other up and down as if we
hadn’t seen each other for ages. She made
her way towards me. “Why don’t you
approach her?” said I to myself. When we
came close, both of us stopped, but still there
was silence.
“Why
don’t you come out?” she started to say,
looking a bit shy.
“I would
not like to see you.” said I, sighing deeply.
“Be a man!”
she said, stepping much closer to me. “I
know that you are depressed, but, since you have
done your best, it was not your fault. Sometimes
hard work doesn’t bring success.”
I felt a
little relaxed and for some unknown reason we
started our trip along the path up the hill.
Night fell but we didn’t feel afraid.
Suddenly there came a strange sound and she threw
herself into my arms. I could hear that she was
holding her breath. It was all because of the
sound.
“Don’t
be frightened. I am here with you.”
She
didn’t say any word. Instead, she placed her
face on my chest. I felt a bit astonished but I
embraced her tightly. We were like that for
almost five minutes. Then she began to talk.
“It is
late now. I think we had better go back. And when
I left, I didn’t tell my mother.” So we
made our way back. I offered to see her home and
she didn’t refuse. Soon we came to her house.
She said nothing, but smiled to me before she
entered.
I turned to go
back home. The moon seemed to walk with me. That
night I thought a lot.
Since then,
every evening after the sun had hidden itself
behind the hills, she used to come to the fields
near my village with a basket as if to find some
wild vegetables for the next day’s food.
Nothing else happened until one evening we
returned after our pleasant chat. She told me
that she had decided to stop school because her
mother couldn’t do all the farm work alone.
Besides, her two younger sisters had reached
school age. I thought she was right to do this,
and I told her about my secret that I had decided
not to have any further education. At the
beginning, she looked a little surprised and then
she began to smile. I also told her that my uncle
had found a part-time job for me in a big city
and that I was leaving tomorrow. Suddenly, her
smile died and she looked far away. The evening
sun shone on her face and I could see tears
streaming down her face. In a few seconds, she
became as happy as before.
“Why
didn’t you tell me earlier?” she talked
to me.
“I had
thought this would come to you as a surprise.”
I smiled.
“It was
too big a surprise to me.” She pretended to
be rather angry.
“Don’t
get angry with me.” I begged.
She
didn’t say anything, but stood there for a
moment. Then she moved towards me. In a flash she
fell onto me. I had no choice but to hold her
with both my arms. It was such a strong fall that
both of us fell down on the ground. When I tried
to get up, she stopped me.
“Shh.”
She wanted me to listen to the frogs singing in
the field. Oh, how happily they sang! I had never
listened to them singing before. It was not that
I didn’t like to, but that I had no time to
go there. As you know, every day I had so much
homework to do and I couldn’t spare a minute
to visit the beautiful places. How tired I was!
Now I never felt any tiredness though she laid on
me. To tell you the truth, it was just what I
liked to do best. I looked into the sky; the
little stars twinkled again and again. Perhaps,
they might not understand us. Or they were
wondering why this had happened, for in their
world this never happened. When I moved my eyes,
I found that she had fixed her eyes on my face. I
didn’t know which part she was watching.
Maybe my face was a book and she was trying to
read it in the moonlight. Or I was a dictionary
and she was trying to look up a new word which
she couldn’t understand. I didn’t know,
sorry, I really didn’t know. I had to keep
my eyes closed and tried to find an answer to
this question. Not until she put her lips onto
mine did I realize that she was still lying on me.
It all happened in silence and it all happened
naturally. And a small breeze began to blow. We
felt a little cold. It was early autumn but we
felt a bit cold. At this time of year, the
villagers usually wore their warm clothes, but we
were both dressed in our summer shirts. We had to
return. On the way back no words were spoken, but
we were shoulder to shoulder, hand in hand.
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