The Gentlemen
Callers
by Chris Dean
The two men
were very polite. They sat calmly in Virginia
Blankenship's comfortable living room and
sympathetically explained the situation. "You
have to stop eating your cats," the tall one
with the moustache said from the russet recliner.
He even apologized, "I am sorry, but it
simply will not do."
The other man
had a ruddy face and small hazel eyes. He blinked
frequently and now he blinked evenly at Virginia.
His voice was soft. "They won't allow it
anymore. We are sorry of course."
Virginia was
more than a little put out. Not about the cats.
She'd been eating her furry pets for so long that
she was getting tired of it. But she had answered
the door wearing nothing more than a smile and
the two men seemed not at all interested in her
womanly attributes. Not even her breasts, which
was quite ridiculous. They were fine breasts and
she'd never received anything but compliments
about them.
The taller man
coughed and said, "Please understand-"
"What
about my breasts!" Virginia could contain
herself no longer. "Are you at all aroused
by my breasts? Either of you?"
The man on the
couch looked embarrassed. "I hadn't noticed
but those are your breasts, aren't they. Have
they been there all this time?"
"If this
is an attempt to dissuade us from stopping you
from eating your cats, it will not work."
The tall one stood. "Now I am sure they are
fine breasts and all that, but we are here about
the cats and nothing else."
Get out!"
She was furious. "I want you to stop looking
at my breasts right now and leave. The both of
you."
The tall man
grew angry too. "Now we told you we're here
from the government and that makes this an
official visit. I will be making a report."
"I said
get out!"
Straightening
his suit jacket, the man stormed out of the house.
Virginia glared at the other one. "Are you
staring at my breasts? I told you to stop looking
at them."
The man's
round faced flushed even redder. "They are
very nice. I hadn't noticed, but . . .”
"Do you
like them?" Virginia beamed.
"Why yes.
May I call you Virginia?"
"Of
course."
The man
blinked thoughtfully. "What I would like to
do, Virginia, is to take care of this nasty cat
business and then perhaps we could discuss your
breasts further."
Virginia
giggled. "Don't worry about that. I rarely
make cat anymore. Frankly I've just about had my
fill of eating cats."
"What?"
The man frowned. "If that's the case then I
really should be leaving. I'm with the cat
department you know." He rose to his feet.
"It has been a pleasure seeing your breasts
though."
Virginia
became furious. "Then just leave. Stop
looking at them and go!"
The man made a
hasty exit. Virginia folded her arms over her
breasts. She felt chilly. And maybe a little
hungry too.
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