Red or Blue?
by Tom
Speropulos
President Barack Obama,
during a recent campaign visit to a red state,
was scheduled to speak to the local school
children, via satellite. Some of the schools
offered their parents the option of allowing
their children to play mindless video games in
the school library rather than listen to the
President’s speech. A number of parents,
convinced their children would become left wing,
brain eating zombies by his rhetoric, chose to
have their children opt out. They feared that
Obama’s radical, liberal, fascist pig dog
message was not in keeping with our Founding
Fathers wishes.
The students that did watch
were treated to a "work hard and stay in
school" message from our President. Much to
their surprise, he made no mention of death
squads, sterilizing the stupid, or holding hands
and singing Kumbaya. However, to the
consternation of some, he did tell the children
that, given America’s future prospects in
the world standings, it may be a good idea to
learn how to eat with chopsticks and play ping
pong.
After his speech, many of
the parents thought the students may have looked
too deeply into Obama's eyes when he spoke,
becoming mesmerized by Obama’s swaying watch
("tick tock, back and forth, you’re
getting sleepy"), because when the President
finished, the students went right to work and
began to study. A parent, hearing this, noted
" He (Obama) is sooooo sneaky; I think he's
a communist or a Svengali".
It was discovered later (from
undisclosed sources), that those children who
were not allowed to hear the President's "stay
in school" speech have parents who suffer
from Political Anxiety Disorder or PAD, as it's
commonly referred to. After reading of
Obama’s worrisome comments, many of the PAD
parents took to placing their heads between their
knees, breathing deeply, and chanting in tongues
until he left town.
Healthcare workers stated
that this condition is typically found on the
right side of the brain and is usually more
prevalent in the South and Southwest United
States, with a particularly high incidence of the
disease in Texas. Experts concluded that PAD is
brought on by lingering swamp gas, right-wing
talk radio, and alien abductions, as in "Bubba
was just standing there by the pond when we all
saw this flash of light and poof, sniff, now he's
gone”. Moreover, experts studying PAD hold
out little hope for a cure in the near term.
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