Pass the Salt
by Tom
Speropulos
Living in the Arizona
desert, where scorching temperatures rarely
motivate folks to spend time out-of-doors, I
noticed one church's pastor encouraging his flock
to come out despite the heat, with this message
on his billboard:
"Think this is hot?
Just wait, come to church, Jesus loves you.”
I’ve noted many
churches today are becoming popular-culture
oriented. Their goal, it appears, is to devise
ways to bring their flock in increasing numbers
for their weekly blessing, shearing, and fleecing.
Some have gone so far as to
add Christian entertainers, singers, and rock
bands to enhance their liturgy. In addition, many
are using electronic bulletin boards to advertise
their events, and their venues give off the
appearance of a Las Vegas lounge act rather than
that of a traditional church. Which begs the
question, “does what happen in church, stay
in church?”
One cathedral, in
particular, caught my attention. As I drove by
their billboard, it stated, "Christian
comedian tonight!” I wondered how a
Christian comedian differs from a regular pagan
one, and what the opening monologue might sound
like?
"Hey and hi, thank you
(hold for applause) it’s great to be here.
Of course, it's great to be anywhere other than you
know where! (Hold for laughter). Now, you
know a funny thing happened to me this morning on
my way to my bible study class, two priests, a
rabbi, and a blonde got into the cab with me...”
My mind swirled with the
endless possibilities of oblique biblical humor
in their routines. "Hey, Lot. I just saw
your wife… and, oh by the way, could you
pass the salt?” On and on, I imagine, all
the way through to the New Testaments (King James
Version).
Of course, our contemporary
churches’ efforts to bring folks in to their
tents, pale when compared to those heady, halcyon
days of the Church of the Dark Ages. The good old
days of the Dark Ages was a particularly
successful time for the Borgia Popes and their
pals. With money for indulgences in every
collection basket, church funded wars, and
concubines, the corrupt Popes used fear to keep
folks in line and the unfaithful flock buying
penance. The Borgias and their conscripts knew
that there was nothing like the smell of a fresh
burning at the stake to bring out the faithful.
Things went well enough for
them, for a time, until that annoying Martin
Luther began posting sticky notes to his friends
on the Wittenberg door. Further, there was that
darn Guttenberg press with its mind bending
movable type allowing literacy to spread. Thus,
Luther, the printing press, and hygiene
eventually spoiled things for the Borgia’s
and the fun was over. Over, if one discounts the
time of the Spanish Inquisition where
everyone’s best enemy became a party favor
boiled in oil.
However, I would tell folks
today who are concerned about our desert heat and
the chance of going to you know where, to
take solace and consider, much like Arizona
it’s a dry heat.
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