Obama in shock
at unexpected result of "Which SugababeAre
You?" quiz
by Trevor
Johnson
(reprinted from
Trevor's site - The
Daily News at www.the-daily-news.co.uk/)
President Obama was said to
be in shock last night after a “Which
Sugababe Are You?” quiz delivered the answer
“Heidi Range”.
Obama – who has
publicly stated in the past that he thinks he is
most like Amelle Berrabah – made the
discovery on his laptop in some
“downtime” during work on his proposals
for a $447 billion package of tax cuts and
government spending to boost the nation's
recovery.
He was reported to have
stormed out of the conference room and locked
himself in the Oval Office with a bottle of Wild
Turkey to “reconsider everything that he has
ever thought was true about himself”, said a
White House source.
“Things were going
okay when they broke for lunch. Barack was
staring at his laptop and suddenly his face
turned to stone. We just knew he was on Quizazz
’cos he’s always on it.
“Then he starts
reading from the screen: ‘You’ve
battled through lots of bandmate line-ups over
the years. You are shy, but a very tough cookie?!
YOU ARE HEIDI RANGE?! WHAT THE ****??! I’m
Amelle if I’m anyone!”
He then reportedly turned
to Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner and
started shouting: “Am I really like Heidi
Range? ‘Can’t handle an argument with
bandmates?’ Is that what everyone thinks of
me? ‘Flighty and prone to tempers’
– seriously, wtf? Are they serious?
They’re talking like I’m some teenage
girl.
“I’m the guy who
kicked BP’s ass over the oil spill. I
watched Bin Laden take three in the head while I
ate a Chocolate Sprinkle Krispy Kreme doughnut.”
Angry aides then despatched
FBI agents to storm the homes of the two 17-year-old
sisters from Virginia who came up with the quizz.
They were flown to the White House to explain the
“algorithms behind the quiz” to the
president himself.
Their mother, who did not
wish to be named, told The Daily News:
“They were in tears – Obama’s
people were shouting at them: ‘Under the
Patriot Act we order you to disclose the
algorithms! Disclose the algorithms that led to
the answer ‘Heidi Range!’”
“But my girls
didn’t know what algorithms are. And there
were only four questions in the first place.”
The White House source said:
“Somebody needs to block Obama from going on
to Quizazz. A while back he flew into a rage when
he only scored four out of ten in a quiz on
Justin Bieber’s pets. And he wouldn’t
even tell us what he scored on ‘Could You Be
Harry Potter's Best Buddy?’ He just slammed
the laptop down and ordered some more drone raids
on the Taliban.”
It is not the first time
that a fun quiz has proved the Achilles Heel of a
serving US president. In 1863 Abraham Lincoln
offered his resignation after a mental breakdown
caused by discovering that the member of the girl
band The Abolitionists he was most like was
Martha J Steeples. He had been convinced that the
answer would be Betty Windlemass.
|
