It’s a Lot
of Work Being a Girl
by Jerry Guarino
Joey and Sam were watching
his sister Susan through the window of Sam’s
house next door. They used the telescope Sam got
for Christmas; Susan left the window shade open
to get some natural light as she got ready for a
date.
“What’s she doing now Joey?”
“I don’t know. Putting some kind of
cream on her face.”
“I thought she already did that.”
“This is makeup, I think. It’s
different.”
“How long does it take?”
“Once last year during prom it took two
hours.”
“Two hours! Impossible.”
“I swear it Sam. On my baseball card
collection.”
“Well, where is she going?”
“Some dance at the college.”
“The college? But she’s still in high
school.”
“What can I tell you? Some guy saw her
studying at their library. I don’t think he
knows she’s in high school.”
“Do your parents know?”
“No, they think she’s going out with
her friends to the high school dance tonight.
They would never let her go to the college with a
guy. They’re afraid…”
“Afraid of what?”
“You know.”
“No, what?”
“Remember what your Dad told you about how
babies are made?”
“Ew! That. Think she wants to do that?”
“I don’t know. It seems that’s
what college guys do with college girls.”
“But Susan’s seventeen. Isn’t that
against the law?”
“Not if she wants to. I think. How should I
know? I’m eleven.”
“Wait, she’s left
the room. Probably to get dressed.”
“Sam, you have that Playboy, the one with
the college girls?”
“Yeah Joey. It’s
under my bed. Why?”
“Those girls, you know. They do it. Let’s
see what they wear.” “That’s some
funny underwear. Why is it shiny?”
“I guess that’s
so the boy can find them in the dark. What’s
that thing?”
“I don’t know.
Looks like a dog collar. Why does a girl need
that?”
“Beats me. Has a nice
pin in the middle, but no way it would hold a dog.
It looks more like ribbon.”
“Look, see here. That’s the same dog
collar, black with a white pin in the middle. Oh,
now I get it.”
“What?”
“Never mind. I thought it was something to
hold on a cape, but here’s a girl with just
the collar and underpants on.”
“Man. You’re right. Wait, she’s
wearing shoes too.”
“Oh, yeah. OK. I didn’t see that. Don’t
look like shoes I’ve ever seen before, more
like something from a fairy tale.”
“Yeah, like Cinderella. Don’t look
comfortable though. Too high off the ground.”
“Hey, your sister’s
coming back into the bathroom. Whoa!”
“What, let me look.”
“She’s wearing shiny underwear and one
of those collar things. Now she’s putting on
a red dress.”
“My turn. Give me the telescope. Oh. This
isn’t good.”
“What?”
“She put the collar in
her purse. Guess she doesn’t want your
parents to see it.”
“Wow. That’s some
dress.
“Let me see. Uh oh.
That’s the red dress she wore at junior prom,
the night she got in trouble for staying out too
late.”
“Did she wear shiny underwear that night?”
“How do I know? We were camping in the
backyard that day, remember? And we didn’t
have the telescope.”
“Yeah, the telescope was a great Christmas
present that year.”
“Yeah.”
“So, is she done
getting ready?”
“Nope. Now she has to do something with her
hair.”
“Her hair is already
dry. I saw the hair dryer.”
“Yeah, but now she
curls it with some hot thing and some spray.”
“How long does that take?”
“Another half hour. I timed it.”
“No wonder she started at five. It’s
six now. When will she leave?”
“Probably not until seven. After she gets
dressed, she talks on the phone with her friends.
They talk about what they’re wearing and
boys and other stuff. I don’t listen too
well.”
“And what time is she supposed to be home?”
“Eleven o’clock,
a half hour after the dance ends.”
“But she’s not
going to the dance. She’s going to the
college.”
“I know. But she would be foolish to be out
too late, not after prom last year.”
“I’m going to get dinner. You want to
come over? We can see her up close when she
leaves.”
“OK. Let me hide the magazine first. Mom
doesn’t know I have it.”
“Yeah, they never look
under the bed.”
“If she did, she would
have talked to me about it.”
“All right. I’m going home. Tell your
mom you’re coming over to my house for
dinner.”
“Hey! If I ask her to sleep over, we can
wait till your sister comes home.”
“That’s great. Yeah. Maybe you should
bring the magazine, you know, in case we get
bored.”
“Yeah. I’ll roll it up in my sleeping
bag.”
“Bring two, OK?”
“Yeah, two.”
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