Go To Sleep
by Justine M. Dunn
My girlfriend
Vicky had been talking crap most of the night,
too much booze. She’d fallen asleep for
a couple of hours earlier so now, at 2.00am, as
we got into bed, she was wide awake. I, on
the other hand, was knackered.
“What
would you do if a crocodile came in the room now?”
she asked.
“Throw
the quilt over it and get out.”
“What
about a polar bear?”
“Look for
a zip, they just have a man inside.”
“Panda?”
“Find
some bamboo.”
“How
about a shark?”
“Punch it
in the eye.”
“Rhino?”
“Tell it
I want its horn, it will leave by itself.”
“Elephant?”
“Pretend
I couldn’t see it.”
“Monkey?”
“Give it
a fag.”
“Rabbit?”
“Tell it
there’s a fox coming.”
“A fox?”
“Say
there’s a wolf coming.”
“A wolf?”
“God, I
don’t know... tell it a photographer's on
their way and wants to put its picture on a
shitty t-shirt.”
“A cat?”
“What, my
cat?”
“You
haven’t got a cat.”
“I know.”
“So what
if someone elses cat walked in?”
“Depends
whose it was.”
“Why?”
“Just
does, don’t want any old stray cat coming in
here.”
“Stray
cat strut.” She started laughing
unnecessarily loudly, I saw nothing funny. “What
about a dog?” She asked, still with
laughter in her voice.
“Look, I
don’t want a dog to walk in, alright?”
“But all
those other animals walking in is ok?”
“Yeah.”
“Even the
shark?”
“Yes! Now
go to sleep.”
“Dave?”
“What?”
“I love
our chats.”
“Yeah, me too.” I lied.
“Dave.”
“What now?”
“Sharks
can’t walk.”
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