You Will Grow Up
To Be A Lion Tamer
by Roz Warren
You know that
standardized test they give you in middle school
that’s supposed to predict the job
you’ll be best at? That test told me that
I’d make a good lawyer. And I became a good
lawyer. But I was also a stressed-out, unhappy
lawyer. I eventually left the practice of law to
write. (Was “humorist” even on that
test? I doubt it.) Now that I’m no longer
practicing law, I’ve got plenty of time to
listen to NPR, which has made me aware of lots of
other jobs that little test never contemplated.
I’ve also become more suspicious about
standardized tests. They make for a standardized
world, and who wants that? So when your kid
brings home test results advising her to become a
CPA, throw them in the trash and hand her this
list of actual jobs I heard about during a year
of listening to NPR:
Dirigible
historian
Professional arm wrestler
Lecturer in reggae studies
Tintinologist
Yacht insurance agent
Admiralty chart corrector
Space weather forecaster
Marine mammals stranding coordinator
Professor of Space medicine
User feedback expert
Editor of the High Times Encyclopedia of
Recreational Drugs
Orbital debris scientist
Inactivity researcher
Cat photographer
Curator of ants at Harvard’s Department of
Comparative Zoology
What if your
kid doesn’t want to grow up to curate ants?
That’s not the point. We’re talking
about our children’s futures! They should be
awesome, not standardized. Fun! Amazing! Not
ordinary and predictable. Middle school is
when their imaginations should soar, not shut
down. Why should your daughter aim for nursing
school when she could aim for space medicine?
Let’s encourage our kids to think outside
the box. Maybe your son will become a CPA anyway.
But maybe he’ll end up with a job so cool
that it makes listeners say “Wow” when
they hear about it on NPR.
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