Tin Foil Hat
by Zach Smith
There are many
conspiracy theories; everyone seems to believe at
least one of them. Roswell, some secret society
controls everything, the Kennedy assassination,
the list goes on and on. Even intelligent people
sometimes believe in them.
“Obama was
actually born in Kenya and he is working with the
terrorists to bring down America.”
A friend of mine,
who up until this point I thought was intelligent,
told me this. I answered him with my standard
answer for statements like that.
“Better put
tin foil on your head so the government
can’t activate the chip in your brain.”
I always used the
tin foil hat line. Conspiracy theories take facts
and restructure them in order to make a false
statement seem plausible. However this
restructuring can make the statement unstable,
collapsible with a simple observation. The tin
foil hat reference usually makes people realize
just how crazy some of their theories may seem,
and it usually leads to a withdrawal of the
initial statement.
I started to think
one day about the tin foil hat. I wondered if I
put on the hat would I think any differently.
Then I thought that idea was stupid, paranoid.
Homeless people wear tin foil hats and
they’re crazy. Then I thought that someone
put that thought in my head, to stop me from
finding out the truth.
I never had an
internal argument with myself like that before;
it gave me more proof that something was
controlling my mind. I was strong, able to fight
it somewhat, but the thoughts of someone else
were there as well.
I went to the
store and bought a role of tin foil. I thought
the cashier gave me a strange look. Was I crazy,
or was she one of them, working for the mind
controllers? As soon as I left would she call who
ever is in charge and tell them someone is going
to make a tin foil hat? I should have bought
something else with it, stupid, stupid.
On my way home I
spotted a hand full of black cars that seemed to
be following me, it was all coming together. I
hit the gas to get away from them, and a cop
pulled me over. I hid the tin foil under the seat.
The cop saw that I
was nervous; and asked me open my trunk, but
there was nothing incriminating in there so he
let me go. I thought I saw him put something in
the trunk, a tracker perhaps. When I got closer
to my home, then I ditched the car, so I
couldn’t be followed.
Finally I got to
my apartment building, snuck in the door,
everyone in the lobby seemed to be looking at me
strange, did they know something I didn’t, I
was going to find out. I pulled out the tin foil,
crinkled it, and made it into the shape of a dome.
When I slipped it on my head I immediately felt
different. I now felt like a jackass, wearing a
tin foil hat.
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