The Neighbors
and the Vole
by Eric Suhem
The vole is a secret agent,
scuttling along the perimeters of suburban
housing developments, observing behavior patterns
of inhabitants. The vole accumulates data and
reports it to higher authorities at Yardtel Inc.,
a multinational corporation with feelers in the
area.
When the Sneedwillows move
into the neighborhood, the vole goes on high
alert, seeking stimuli, its nose sniffing at
sidewalks, fences and patches of mulch. Yardtel
Inc. develops increasingly sophisticated
technology, and equips the vole with cutting-edge
surveillance tools, which the vole employs
efficiently to gather new information. Busybody
neighbors meanwhile, utilize highly complex
binoculars and cameras to observe the vole and
the Sneedwillows. The vole and the busybody
neighbors keep each other under constant
surveillance.
Now ensconced in the
neighborhood, Mrs. Sneedwillow, wearing a bright
red dress, trims edges of the front lawn minutely
with tweezers each day, then returns to the house.
On Saturdays, Mr. Sneedwillow, wearing a bright
green tuxedo, mows the lawn, grass clippings
affixing themselves to his outfit. Various
relatives visit, dressed in bright blue, while an
assortment of friends stop by, all dressed in
bright yellow. The neighbors are baffled by the
Sneedwillows, and continue their observation, as
does the vole. The vole notices that Mr.
Sneedwillow has purchased, at great expense from
a catalog, a serenity pod, a bed shaped like a
large porcelain egg, replete with relaxing music
and soothing vibration. This looks very appealing
to the vole.
One day, a red hearse pulls
up, and Mrs. Sneedwillow is loaded in, while Mr.
Sneedwillow sheds tears into a bright green
handkerchief. A week later, Mr. Sneedwillow
passes away. Both of the Sneedwillows are buried
in the front yard. The vole informs Yardtel Inc.
of the developments, and it purchases the yard in
a yard sale, along with the garage, in a garage
sale.
One of Yardtel’s
subsidiaries is the cable Tyrant Channel. Using
the yard as an advertisement resource, the
corporate interests of Yardtel, Inc. plant
posters of Hitler, Stalin, Mao and Pol Pot on the
front lawn, and bring in a mysterious cloaked
figure to mow the grass at 4 a.m., carving a
Hitler mustache into the grass. As neighbors
voice objections to the signs, a slow green and
red liquid seeps up from the ground near the
Sneedwillows’ well-manicured gravesites. It
curdles into a strange pool that dissolves Hitler’s
lawn mustache, and spreads through the lawn,
pulling the tyrant posters down into the ground.
Not seeing a revenue upside
to the situation, Yardtel Inc. sells the yard to
the cable Hedge Channel, which uses lawn clippers
to convert the greenery into a miniature
labyrinth, enjoyed by local mice and squirrels.
The vole, upon reviewing
the latest developments, has what can be termed
as a crisis of conscience. It decides to retire,
buying a serenity pod and then spending most of
its time in the porcelain egg. The neighbors
become bored with viewing the vole in its
serenity pod, so they observe and record each
other instead, looking forward to reporting it
somewhere.
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