Tennis and
Lemurs
by Eric Suhem
“Isn’t
she wonderful!” says Emma’s mother to a
friend, over drinks on the patio at the tennis
club. On the tennis court, under her
mother’s watchful eye from the patio above,
Emma runs back and forth, returning tennis balls
hit at her by a ball machine.
“Get to
the ball quicker! Anticipate!” barks her
tennis coach, Ivan Snaff, as Emma lobs a shot
across the net. Emma is showing great promise,
and has already won a number of junior tennis
tournaments. “Just stop thinking, and do
what I tell you!” bellows Ivan Snaff, as
Emma completes the practice session, hitting more
forehands and backhands.
“Emma,
come here, I’ve planned out your life for
the next 8 months,” calls her mother, amidst
charts and graphs on the patio table, as Emma
picks up a tennis ball and returns it to the ball
machine. Her mother then turns and scowls at the
approaching picket signs and angry voices.
“Oh God, here they are again,” she
sighs. Recently, it had been discovered that the
tennis club sits on the grounds occupied by the
endangered spotted green lemur. Occasionally a
spotted green lemur would cross a court during a
match, evading the path of a speeding tennis ball
hit by a bewildered player. Animal rights
activists had soon learned of the situation and
were out in force, protesting at the tennis club.
After the
practice, Ivan Snaff descends the steps to his
subterranean office, and is seething as he views
the activists on a surveillance camera. His
office actually resembles a bunker, as his
childhood enthusiasms had been tennis and Hitler,
and indeed he has pictures of Der Fuehrer scotch-taped
on the bunker’s walls. He emerges from the
bunker onto the tennis court, shouting
threateningly at the protesters. He is joined on
the tennis court by Emma’s mother, who,
after a few gin-and-tonics on the patio, is
yelling toward the activists, “You’re
not going to derail my daughter’s tennis
career over a lemur!” A few angry
tennis club employees want to physically confront
the activists. That sounds good to Ivan Snaff and
Emma’s mother. “Get over here Emma,
it’s time to hit some overhead smashes!”
orders Snaff.
Emma, who
loves animals and actually wants to become a
veterinarian, not a professional tennis player,
looks on sympathetically at the animal rights
activists, who are holding up signs depicting
spotted green lemurs at play. She continues
putting tennis balls into the ball machine.
“Do as we
say, Emma, get over here!” Emma turns on the
ball machine, slowly aiming it at her mother and
Ivan Snaff. She then fires, repeatedly pelting
them with tennis balls, a real smile finally
appearing on her face.
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