Sherlock, The
Doctor and Batman?
My Not Entirely
Serious Predictions for Season Four of "Sherlock"
by Roz Warren
The BBC’s
“Sherlock” is among the most popular
shows on TV, and there has been much speculation
among die-hard fans like myself about what the
upcoming fourth season will hold. Having
consulted my own crystal ball, here’s what I
see happening:
Irene Adler
turns up at 221B Baker Street with Sherlock’s
baby, the result of some fun and games the two
indulged in after Sherlock rescued her at the end
of “A Scandal in Belgravia.” (It wasn’t
love, he was just passing the time while waiting
for his coat to get back from the only good dry
cleaners in Karachi, Pakistan). The baby is, of
course, named Hamish Holmes. (And Sherlock’s
“safe word?” “”Oopsy!”)
Adler meets
and falls madly in love with John’s
philandering alcoholic sister Harry. (Irene
quickly cures her drinking problem by smacking
her with a whip and yelling “drop it!”
whenever Harry picks up a drink.) They wed and
raise the baby together.
Moriarty turns
out to be just one of a set of triplets, all of
whom are named Jim, and only one of whom blew his
brains out at the end of “The Reichenbach
Fall.” (One down, two to go…)
Scotland Yard
decides to save a lot of time and trouble and
just investigate anybody Molly Hooper falls in
love with, since they all turn out to be
dangerous sociopaths.
Mary Watson
gives birth to a girl, whom she and John name
Sherlockia (In Season 27 of “Sherlock,”
she and Hamish Holmes will fall in love.) The
only glitch? Mary assassinates her ob-gyn when he
doesn’t give her an epidural quickly enough.
Lestrade comes
out and becomes Mycroft’s “goldfish.”
Hilarity
ensues when Sherlock babysits for babies Hamish
and Sherlockia. After he finally gets them down
for a nap, he relaxes by analyzing the spit-up
from their binkies under a microscope.
Mrs. Hudson,
unable to rent out 223C Baker Street, decides to
restart her ex-husband’s drug cartel and run
it from there, making it all too convenient for
Sherlock to get the occasional morphine fix.
After Jim
Moriarty2 kidnaps their baby, John and Mary
track him down and take turns assassinating him.
Moriarty,
Sherlock and Irene Adler start a “Sherlock
Characters Who Fake Their Own Deaths Too Much”
support group.
John and
Sherlock are taken hostage by a devoted fan who
insists that they’re a couple and forces
them to go through with a gay wedding, but as
they’re standing at the alter, about to take
their vows, Mary tracks the fan down and
assassinates him.
In a terrific
viewer-grabbing crossover episode, Sherlock, the
Doctor and Batman all give their sidekicks the
day off and solve crimes together, racing to a
variety of crime scenes in London cabs, the
Tardis and the Batmobile.
Because “the
canon” requires that Mary Watson die of a
mysterious illness, Mary steals the Tardis,
travels back in time and assassinates Sir Arthur
Conan Doyle before he can write that plot point.
Molly Hooper
and Janine start a “Women Who Love Sherlock
Too Much” support group. Millions of fans
sign up.
But seriously?
Steven Moffatt and Mark Gatiss are going to come
up with a Season Four that’s way better than
anything I could imagine. And this fan can’t
wait.
|
