Setter On The
Roof
by Roz Warren
and Janet Golden
When I read
that Mitt Romney had once driven for twelve hours
with the terrified family dog, an Irish Setter,
in a cage on the roof of his car, this lyric, to
the tune of “Fiddler on the Roof”
popped into my head:
What does it
mean, this Setter on the roof
Who whimpers through the morn and then all
afternoon.
What kind of nudnick chooses such a way
To schlep a much-loved family pet?
That’s
just the way my mind works. Apparently my pal
Janet’s mind works the same way, because
when I emailed my new lyric to her, she came
right back with:
How much was
that doggie on the car roof?
The one with the PAC money dad
How much was that doggie on the car roof?
I wonder why he looks so sad.
At which point,
we put our heads together to rewrite the Elvis
classic “Hound Dog:”
You ain’t
nothing but a roof dog.
Crying all the time.
You ain’t nothing but a roof dog.
Crying all the time.
You won’t ever cast a vote, pal
So you ain’t no friend of mine.
After that,
“On Top Of Old Smokey” quickly became:
On top of a
Caddy
Racing down the pikeI spied Mitt’s poor
doggy.
He was pooping with fright.
(Actually, the
car was a station wagon. But “Caddy”
scanned better, and given the number of Cadillacs
owned by the Romneys, we figured we could use our
artistic license to borrow one.)
Next, Janet
reworked “Old Yeller” into:
The dog was no
mongrel.
Just a freaked out Irish setter.
Caged, not free.
Not a Bain Trustee.
But up on the roof he could spew it.
And prove there’s nothing to it.
And that’s how a good dog should be.
And I turned
“Who Let The Dogs Out” into:
Who caged the
dog up?
Mitt! Mitt! Mitt! Mitt!
After which we
both decided it was time to stop. But we’ll
leave you with this:
A dog caged on
the roof.
A most unhappy sight.
It may not mean a thing
But we think it just might.
(Note: Roz and
Janet wish to thank our muse for this piece, the
wonderful Gail Collins.) 
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