Litter Bugs
by Linda Garnett
The
Emperor of Earth bit into his slice of pizza and
was beamed aboard an alien space craft.
"Where
the hell am I and who are you?" asked the
Emperor.
"Welcome
aboard my ship. I'm Tweep, from the Inter-Galactic
Safe Orbit Commission."
"Never
heard of it. I demand you return me to my Palace
or I'll have my security team take you out!"
"Not
likely. They're taking a long nap while we
conduct some business."
"What
business?"
"It
has come to our attention that Earth's continual
dumping of its space junk has created a travel
hazard in this solar system. We're here to remedy
the situation."
"Great!
We've been wanting to get rid of that annoying
junk for centuries. It's been degrading our
satellite communications lately and --"
"You
don't understand; you're being cited for
littering," said Tweep. He opened a well-worn
book on his console. "It says here in the
Inter-Galactic Law book, that littering of a
planet's orbit is strictly prohibited. Violators
will be cited and will remove said litter in 24
hours. Non-compliance will result in planet re-assignment."
"What?
That's ridiculous! We can't remove our space junk
that fast. We don't even know how to!"
"I
suggest you call Orbit Junk-Be-Gone and see if
they can handle rush jobs."
"I'm
the Emperor of Earth! I don't have to obey you or
some weird space law I've never heard of!"
"I
will have to issue you another citation for
annoying behavior."
"How
about I kick you and your law book out of the
solar system?"
"I
would strongly advise against that action."
The
Emperor lunged for Tweep's neck and was beamed
into the Palace swimming pool.
Tweep
returned 24 hours later and called the Commission's
Polluter Removers. A space ship with an enormous
vacuum appeared and quickly sucked up Earth and
its junk.
The
ship's manager checked his work schedule. "Okay
boys, our next stop is The Milky Way. The
visitors' space station is buried in candy bar
wrappers again."
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