James Franco,
Underachiever
by Roz Warren
and Janet Golden
(this story
first appeared in The
Funny Times)
“James
Franco moved to New York to simultaneously attend
graduate school at Columbia University’s MFA
writing program, New York University’s Tisch
School of the Arts for filmmaking and Brooklyn
College for fiction writing, while occasionally
commuting to North Carolina’s Warren Wilson
College to study poetry. He received his MFA from
Columbia in 2010. Franco is a PhD student in
English at Yale University and will also attend
the Rhode Island School of Design.” --
Wikipedia
2011
James Franco
has enrolled in goat-herding school in Bhutan,
saying “I stumbled upon the word
“capriculturalist” while studying
poetry at Yale and knew it was my destiny.“
At the same time, Franco has been commuting to
the Johnson Space Center in Houston, Texas, as he
completes his Ph. D. in Astrophysics from M.I.T.
He is leading a team designing mathematical
models for inter-galactic travel. In a recent
interview, Franco disclosed that his
dissertation would not only “change the
destiny of our planet” but would also become
the subject of a major motion picture.
2012
James Franco
has enrolled in a Souix City needlepoint course
with the intention of creating the world’s
largest wall hanging, a Mount Rushmore-sized
portrait of Lady Gaga. Rumors that Franco
has matriculated in an advanced totem-carving
course in Papua, New Guinea remain unconfirmed.
However, sources report he has rented a hut in
the compound of master carver Olwen Mtilipi and
has been seen around town carrying a large knife.
2013
James Franco
has confirmed that he has enrolled in the Tyler,
Texas School of Beauty where he will major in
Tipping and Frosting, with a minor in Beauty Mark
Application. Meanwhile, the Japanese master who
taught James Franco calligraphy with squid ink
died today after a short illness. On his death
bed, he referred to Franco as “my best pupil
ever” which, coincidentally, is exactly what
the lion-tamer who has been mentoring Franco in
the circus ring at the Moscow State Circus has
been saying about him.
2014
After
completing a residency in neurosurgery at
Massachusetts General Hospital, James Franco
accepted a three year post-doctoral position at
the National Institutes of Health. “I’m
all about brains,” he explained to The Daily
Show host Jon Stewart in a recent interview,
which is good because Franco will soon be
starring in the upcoming four-part BBC series
“Zombie Librarians from Outer Space.”
2015
Returning from
a two year sojourn at a base camp near the top of
Mt. Everest where he studied Advanced
Mountaineering, Techniques in Screaming for Help
and Beginning Cannibalism, James Franco
rededicated himself to the world of food science,
enrolling in MacDonald’s famous
“Hamburger University.” Asked about his
future plans, he could only reply, “Would
you like fries with that?”
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