How To Break
Your Toe In One Easy Step
by Roz Warren
Life is hard
and toes are fragile, which means that by the
time you reach middle age, you’ve probably
broken one. Or two. I recently broke a toe
when I got out of bed in the middle of the
night and tripped over a shoe. When friends
and family consoled me with their own Toe Break
Tales, I learned that there are more ways to
break a toe than you could possibly imagine.
Intrigued, I turned to my Face Book friends.
“Have you ever broken a toe?” I asked.
“Tell me how it happened.” Here’s
a sampling of their responses.
ARE YOU ACTIVE?
WATCH YOUR TOES!
I broke my
pinkie toe sliding into 3rd base.
I broke my toe
playing Frisbee outside with friends barefoot.
Was alcohol involved? Maybe.
I used to
exercise by dancing around my house. I twirled
too close to a stone table. Ouch.
ATHLETES BREAK
THEIR TOES. BUT INTELLECTUALS DO TOO.
I broke my toe
when I tripped over my two volume slipcase
edition of the Riverside Shakespeare.
Running
barefoot down a basement hallway at a writers
workshop, I broke my right big toe when I caught
it in the bottom of my trouser leg.
I broke my toe
in a car crash on the way to the library.
GRAVITY IS
YOUR TOE’S NATURAL ENEMY
I dropped a
can of Progresso minestrone soup on my big toe.
I opened the
freezer door and a 10 pound roast fell out onto
my foot.
A jar of Salsa
fell on my toe from the top of a cabinet.
I dropped a
terra cotta pot on my baby toe. Yesterday.
I removed my
suitcase from an airplane’s overhead rack
and dropped it on my little toe.
FOR SOME
PEOPLE, BROKEN TOES ARE A WAY OF LIFE:
I’ve
broken the little toe on my right foot so many
times I’ve lost count.
I’m
barefoot on a boat for most of the summer and am
always breaking or stubbing toes.
I’ve
broken the same baby toe three times!
I seem to have
found my Superpower -- hooking my toe on a piece
of furniture while momentum works its magic,
keeping the rest of my body moving forward. I’ve
done this many times.
THERES NO GOOD
TIME TO BREAK A TOE… BUT SOME TIMES ARE
WORSE THAN OTHERS
The morning of
my son’s First Communion, I dropped a pizza
stone on my foot.
I dropped a
large flashlight on my big toe as I was getting
ready to go out to dinner on Valentine’s Day.
I smashed my
toe into a laundry basket three weeks before
running a half marathon.
A TOE BREAK
CAN CONTAIN A VALUEABLE LIFE LESSON:
I was carrying
a large basket of dirty clothes and tripped over
the small bathroom garbage can I’d forgotten
I’d put at the top of the stairs in the hope
that someone else would carry it down. Lesson
learned? Do it yourself!
I was about to
carry a basket of laundry down the stairs in my
stocking feet when my husband said “Put your
Slippers on, you’re going to slip.” I
ignored him, slipped and broke both my big toe
and my pinky. Next time, maybe I’ll listen.
YOUR HOUSE IS
OUT TO GET YOU!
I fell down a
flight of steps and broke my big toe.
I caught my
pinkie toe on the edge of a door.
I rammed my
toe into the metal leg of a radiator.
I slammed my
foot into a wooden stair riser.
AND WATCH OUT
FOR THE FURNITURE!
I broke my toe
on a glass coffee table.
I stubbed my
toe on a bedpost.
I stubbed it
on the dining room table of a vacation rental.
I broke the
same baby toe on the same dining room chair
chasing different toddlers in different years.
THINGS LEFT ON
THE FLOOR MAY BE HAZARDOUS TO YOUR TOES
During our
last move, there was a pile of packing paper on
the kitchen floor. I ran into it and broke my
pinky toe. (Who breaks their toe on PAPER?)
I caught my
little toe on a toy my grandson left on the
hallway floor.
FOLLOW YOUR
BLISS -- AND BREAK YOUR TOE!
I broke my toe
on the Appalachian Trail in Maine.
I broke my toe
when I went outside, barefoot, to admire the
stars and stubbed it on a rock.
I broke my
middle toe in the dang pool. (I told my husband I
was going to start wearing combat boots, even in
the pool.)
HORSES AND
TOES DON’T MIX
I broke my toe
horseback riding when I was 12.
Two different
horses, ten years apart, stepped on my pinky toe
and broke it.
YOUR TOE CAN
BREAK WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT
I broke my big
toe coming down from a headstand.
My 130 pound
Newfoundland stepped on my toe and broke it.
My mother-in-law
broke 3 toes putting her shoes on.
I broke my toe
at chapel when it got caught in a folding chair.
My baby toe
broke when my husband dropped his crutches on it.
THE WORST TOE
BREAKS OF ALL? THE ONES WITH ADDED ANGST
I tripped over
a concrete barrier and broke my toe on the way
into the pharmacy to pick up drugs to treat a
yeast infection. Insult to injury, for sure.
I broke my toe
when I stubbed it on a chair as I rushed to
answer the phone. It was an obscene phone
call.
AND KEEP IN
MIND THAT KARMA IS A BITCH
My friend
kicked her husband and broke her toe.
THE ONLY WAY
TO AVOID A BROKEN TOE?
Stay home. In
bed. With your shoes on. Which is no way to live.
So go out and embrace life! You’ll
probably break a toe. But it will heal.
And remember
this: A broken toe is no fun. But it beats having
a broken heart.
First
published by WomensVoicesForChange
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