Hey Old Lady!
Want To Buy A Reverse Mortgage?
by Roz Warren
Facebook just
hit me with an ad for coping with memory loss,
probably because I just turned 63. In Facebook’s
eyes, I am now an Old Lady. When I asked my
FB pals who are also Seniors what kind of
promotions have been turning up in their feeds,
they told me that in the days to come, I can
expect to see ads for the following:
Walkers
Depends
Wheelchairs
Walk-in bathtubs
Colonoscopies
Senior dating sites
Viagra and Cialis
Medicare Supplemental Insurance
Reverse mortgages
Baldness cures
“Prevent Alzheimer’s Disease with
Coconut Oil.” (If only it were that simple…)
Ads telling me what to do about my enlarged
prostate
Make-up tips for “mature women”
And, worst of
all?
Cremation!
I could
continue to ignore ads like this. Or I could put
them all together and see what happens! I’ll
apply make-up using those tips, then take a photo
and post it on a senior dating site, where I’ll
meet a balding man with an enlarged prostate. We’ll
fall in love, reverse our mortgages and squander
the resulting windfall on a gigantic walk-in
bathtub where (after he gobbles his Viagra and I
cast off my Depends) we’ll have lots and
lots of sex. (Our safe word will be “Medical
Supplemental Insurance.”)
Then? We’ll
die of happiness & get cremated.
Thanks,
Facebook!
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