Fifteen Signs
That Your Husband Is Thinking Of Voting
Republican
by Roz Warren
and Janet Golden
Standing in
the check out line, you see plenty of magazines
offering stories like “What He Isn’t
Telling You ” and How to Tell if Your Man Is
Cheating.“ But in today’s crazy world
it isn’t enough to know whether your partner
is stepping out with another woman, or if he
secretly wants to go to the playoffs with the
guys instead of to that wedding weekend for your
sister-in-law’s first cousin. What you
really need to know are:
The 15
signs that your husband is thinking of voting
Republican:
l) “Sarah
Palin’s Alaska” is the first item in
his Netflix queue, and the next twenty items are
all movies starring Mel Gibson or Charlton Heston.
2) The words
“Book of Mormon” are jotted down on a
notepad by his side of the bed -- and he hates
Broadway shows.
3) In the
throes of passion, instead of calling out your
name, he calls for tax cuts.
4) He wants to
name the new puppy “Mitt.”
5) His wallet
is stuffed with Godfather’s Pizza receipts.
6) He’s
started singing John Ashcroft’s “Let
the Eagle Soar” in the shower.
7) A post-it
by the computer reads “Google Ricksantorum.com,
NOT Rick Santorum.”
8) He tells
your teenaged son, “Ron Paul supports the
legalization of marijuana -- so let’s toke
up!”
9) After
Governor Christie pulls out of the race, he
spends the afternoon crying at the donut shop.
“Tears are the new macho,“ he explains
between sobs. “John Boehner gets weepy too,
so it’s okay.”
10) Michele
Bachman and Sarah Palin are on the MILF list
hidden in his sock drawer.
11) He asks if
the task of changing the baby’s diapers can
be sent off-shore.
12) When your
daughter brings her friends home from elementary
school, he demands to see documentation that
they’re in this country legally.
13)
There’s an ASK ME ABOUT GLENN BECK bumper
sticker on his car.
14) He mutters,
as he hogs all the covers, that sharing the
blankets is part of a socialist agenda.
15) You find a
Tri-corner hat hidden in the back of his closet
AND the giant box of teabags you bought at the
supermarket last week have gone missing.
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